Øystein's Sweater, and the Lunacy of Modern Fashion

When I was a kid I spent a year living in Norway as an exchange student. At the time, knitting was all the rage among my female classmates. I tried to take it up, really I did, but apparently I lack the knitting gene. While others find it meditative and relaxing, I fear for me it just led to cursing and frustration.

Anyway, one of the boys in my class was named Øystein. He was quite memorable - tall and lanky with copious locks of flaming red hair. A true vision of your prototypical Viking.

Øystein played the tuba, and was a bit of a class clown. That way my interpretation at least. Not being fluent in either the language or the culture, sometimes it's hard to tell. At any rate, there was a running joke among the girls in the class about Øystein's sweater. You see, he only had one. Or at least, he only wore one... every single day.

One day, one of the girls offered to knit him a new sweater. Øystein gave her a somewhat puzzled look and replied with complete innocence: "Nei Takk, Jeg har en genser, Jeg!" Which translates to: "No thanks, I have a sweater, I do!" The entire class erupted in laughter, but it's still unclear to me whether he was trying to be funny, or if he simply couldn't fathom why anyone would possibly need more than one sweater - I mean, you can only wear one at a time, right? Either way, no new sweater was forthcoming, and he continued to wear the same one every day until the winter was over.

I love that story. I think of it frequently, and it puts things into perspective when I read a blog post about wardrobe size, or when I see commercials for clothing stores, or whenever I hear someone obsessing about fashion. 

To be honest, fashion has never really been "my thing." It's not that the younger me didn't try, I just never seemed to be able to pull it off. In the end, I'd always end up spending a bunch of money, and wasting a bunch of time in front of mirrors trying things on, all the while growing less and less content with the way I looked.

And, you know, I really think that's the whole point. OK, bear with me here, as I'm about to get exceedingly cynical, but it seems to me that the entire fashion industry is built upon a horrifically cruel premise.  You make people feel bad about their bodies, so they'll go out and spend ridiculous sums of money buying some new piece of clothing in order to make the bad feelings go away.

I know there are plenty of women out there who will vociferously disagree with me, but I really think that an industry which profits off of giving people a poor self image is just plain evil - to say nothing of skin and bones fashion models, or people in third world countries employed at slave wages toiling away in sweat shops producing the clothes in the first place.

When your really think about it, it's sorta crazy how far the world of fashion has diverged from the actual purpose of clothing.

And even when the styles are less ridiculous than the "thong jeans" pictured above, they keep changing what's "in" every year or two, so people will feel obligated to keep up with the times by continuing to buy their products.

Seriously, once back when I was still working at the music school, a bunch of us were sitting around waiting for a meeting to start. One of the young women was complimenting another on her new boots. She then proceeded to say how ashamed she was of her own boots because they were last year's style. It took great effort for me not to scream, "You're a single mother who has trouble putting food on the table and keeping a roof over your children's heads for God's sake, why the hell are you concerned about whether your boots are last year's style or not!!!"

Of course, I didn't say anything, but it does make me both sad and angry to see people spending crazy amounts of money fighting the hopeless battle against their own insecurities - a good chunk of which have been manufactured by the very industry that wants you to spend the money in the first place!

And don't EVEN get me started about the incredible wastefulness of an industry which produces garments designed to be worn a few times and then discarded. Grrrrr....

I mean, where do people get the idea that it's somehow gauche to be seen wearing the same thing more than once? I recently heard that there was a great stir because Kate Middleton wore the same suit for her family Christmas photo that she'd worn on several previous occasions. Seriously? Do people really pay attention to this sort of thing?

You know, when I quit my job about 10 years ago, one of the great reliefs was that I no longer needed the sort of wardrobe that I used to... not that people in the world of folk music are deeply into fashion, but when you don't have to be applying for grants or schmoozing potential donors, the bar for what's considered "presentable" lowers considerably.

And then the carpet beetles struck a few years ago, and I had to basically pack everything into airtight containers unless it was getting worn frequently enough to be washed every week or two.

So while minimalism was never really my goal in terms of clothing, in the past few years I seem to be embracing the Øystein school of fashion. Seriously, at this point my winter wardrobe (excluding bike wear - which I sorta think of as "equipment" rather than "clothing") consists of 4 pairs of sweat pants, 1 pair of jeans, 3 smartwool base layers, one sweatshirt, a fleece jacket, and yes... ONE sweater!

And you know what, it's sorta wonderful. I basically wear what's clean until it's all dirty, at which point there's enough to fill up the washer (if you include the bike wear and towels) so I throw it all in there and start over again. The only real downside I can see so far is that stuff wears out a LOT faster when you wear it that frequently. But you know what, that's OK. Once the holes in xyz item have gone past the point of no repair, I'll turn it into a rag and fetch something "new" out of storage. Eventually, I'll have to actually buy some replacements, but that's what the thrift store is for, and at the rate I'm going it will be a good long time before I have to go there!

Now, I'm not saying that I think everyone should strive for Øystein status in the clothing department. Different lives will undoubtedly require different sorts of wardrobes. But, the next time you're frantically pulling things out of the closet in the midst of a wardrobe crisis, I'd simply ask you to remember this: You are not Kate Middleton, and nobody really cares what you wear... at least nobody who's opinion you ought to care about does.

There's a wonderful little footnote to the Øystein story. Of all the people I have crossed paths with in this little life of mine, Øystein has become one of the most successful and even famous - well, famous as tuba players go.

It warms my little fashion-hating heart to know that his wardrobe, or lack thereof, in no way hindered his magnificent success. And who knows, maybe it even contributed to it. Because when you're not worried about stupid stuff like fashion, you've got a lot more time, money and energy to devote to the things that really matter in life.