So I was reading about a study in which people were asked to sit quietly and do nothing for 15 minutes. The only distraction available to the participants was to give themselves a painful electric shock. Incredibly enough, 67% of the men and 25% of the women chose to inflict pain upon themselves rather than be alone with their thoughts for 15 minutes. Seriously?!?
While these findings make me sad, and do make me wonder if I'm living in some sort of a never ending production of theater of the absurd, somehow I can't say that I'm terribly surprised. If there is one thing that's clear to me about our culture, it's that people will do just about ANYTHING to avoid having to face themselves.
I know I've grumbled about these issues before. I whine about the "busier than thou" mantra of our society, I complain about our addiction to technology, and in general I chafe against the idea that I should be "connected" all the time (yes, I am a FaceBook and Twitter conscientious objector.)
It's not that I'm immune from the desire to be constantly entertained and enjoy the escape from my own insecurities, uncomfortable emotions and personal demons, but experience tells me that this is not a good strategy for long term happiness.
Here's the thing. I think that most of us yearn for a sense of peace. We constantly complain that we are too busy and don't have enough time to ourselves. Yet, when we are actually given time to just sit and do absolutely nothing, peace tends to elude us.
Remove the distractions, and suddenly we come face to face with a whole pile of feelings and emotions that don't quite "fit" in this modern society of ours. At least that's the case for me.
And it's just SOOOO much easier to get wrapped up in doing just about anything (including, apparently, self-administration of electric shocks) than it is to feel all of that stuff that we're busy avoiding.
And while voluntary simplicity/minimalism/slow living (or whatever you want to call this lifestyle I lead) is a great start, it too is rife with opportunities for distraction. We "simple livers" are always busy cooking, gardening, de-cluttering, DIY-ing and the like... sometimes I wonder if we haven't missed the point.
So... I think I'm gonna try just sitting for 15 minutes every day. Well, to be honest, I probably won't do it every day, but I'm gonna try to do it regularly and see what happens.
I must admit that I approach this little challenge with a bit of trepidation. Who knows what sorts of emotional ugliness might bubble to the surface.
I don't know if this happens to other people, but regularly when doing yoga I'll find myself bursting into uncontrollable tears for no apparent reason... so who knows what dark corners of my psyche might come to light through this exercise.
But whatever's there, I think it's better to feel it than to waste any more of my life running away.
Anybody wanna take the challenge with me?
Yes! I want to join in the challenge! Whilst reading your post I clicked onto a different tab (searching for a recipe for Cornish pasties, in case you're interested!) TWICE, despite having decided that, given the title of the post, I would FOCUS on reading it. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteSomeone posted the article about the electric shocks on Facebook last night (I am not a Facebook conscientious objector, but I am trying to limit my checking of it) and I was amazed that people would choose physical pain over just sitting and thinking.
I'm sure I've commented on another post that, although I don't cry when doing yoga, I know of lots of people who do, so you are definitely not alone! (I am not sure if I am just really untraumatised by life, or if my trauma is buried deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep...maybe I will find out with the sitting challenge!)
My only real fear with sitting still for 15 mins per day is that I will fall asleep...must find an uncomfortable chair...
Yay! Someone to do my challenge with! So, after I wrote this post I went and sat for 15 minutes (I set a timer so I wouldn't have to concern myself with checking my watch.) Unfortunately, most of the time I was thinking about edits that I wanted to make to this post! Not exactly what I was going for, but we'll see how things progress. I'd love to hear how it goes for you! :-)
DeleteI sat for fifteen minutes with a timer earlier today...I managed not to fall asleep (bonus!) but I was mostly thinking about things I needed to tidy up...
DeleteI was doing ok until about ten minutes in when Albus cat tried to eat a butterfly that had flown in the window, so I had to leap up and rescue the butterfly! After that I was just thinking about how much time I had left..!
But hey, I wasn't tempted to snort the Facebook crack (if snorting crack is a thing!) or look at the interwebz, which has got to be good!
Ha! Oh the kitty factor... I haven't quite figured out how to deal with that either. So far I've decided that it's OK (and unavoidable) if they walk on me, but I can't pet them or interact with them. I might try going in the bedroom or bathroom and shutting the door, but Smoky tends to freak out a bit when I do that, and he'll sit outside the door clawing at it and howling until I open it... which can be... umm.... a bit of a distraction! :-)
DeleteI think getting walked on is preferable (and less distracting!) than clawing and howling!
DeleteDay two...accidental hour long nap..
DeleteLOL - I had a bit of trouble in that department myself last night. Note to self: do sitting exercise BEFORE taking nightly melatonin supplement!
DeleteNo thanks, I have no interest in this challenge or in anything resembling mediation. My mind races, and that's how I like it. If I'm not plugging in, I want to at least be walking, and not on a treadmill. So, I understand that I'm a weirdo in this way (people are supposed to like--and profit from--resting their brains), but I'm find with that.
ReplyDeleteLike most people, I feel confident that I would not be shocking myself if I were in the situation described by that experiment. I suppose I could imagine doing it once just out of curiosity to to see how strong the shock is, but I can't imagine any other reason for doing it. I have loads of things to think about. And sing.
I do think I would have trouble in solitary confinement. You try to remember things in detail, you maybe try to compose and memorize poetry and songs. Years of that would probably make me crazy. But 15 minutes? No problem!
Just yesterday I found out something on a related topic. My employer is implementing "two-factor authentication" to access some things like our W-2 forms. The first factor is entering our employee ID and password like usual. The second factor involves them sending a one-time-use second password to our cell phones. If we don't have a smart phone, they can send us this information via text.
Their e-mail message just assumed that every single employee has a cell phone. There are thousands of us. Our pay is not that great (I'm pretty sure most of the staff have a marginal tax rate of 15%).
I asked if our second factor could be just showing up at Accounting with a photo ID and they confirmed this. I'm still not sure what some of the janitorial staff would do since surely some of those folks don't have cell phones and Accounting is closed during some of their shifts.
Eee gads! I do have a cell phone, but I have no idea how to receive (or send) a text message! I fear I may become obsolete soon if this keeps up!
DeleteAnyhow, I used to live in the world of the racing mind, but it has slowed down remarkably with the changes I've made to my life (along with lots and lots of therapy!) But if it's working for you... race on my friend!
I do this challenge every day.For me it's called trying to get to sleep, my mind just races and I've been working hard to try and calm it.
ReplyDeleteOne of my favourite quotes;
"All of men's miseries derive from being unable to sil alone in a quiet room"
Blaise Pascal.......he lived in the 1600's so we've been working on this a long time and still wanting electric shocks:)
I see this distraction getting worse with all the electronic gizmo's and children being entertained at every turn.
As always I love the Kitties
Marieann
First of all... THANK YOU for that quote. I spent hours looking for it because I wanted to include it in this post, but didn't quite have it right, so I couldn't find it. It's one of CatMan's favorites.
DeleteSoooo... on falling asleep. Have you seen the movie "The Matrix"? While I loved the premise (the world we live in isn't real - it's just a big computer program designed by sentient machines to keep us entertained whilst they feed off of our body heat and electrical energy) I could have done without all of the flying dudes with machine guns.
ANYHOW, there's a scene in that movie where a small child is bending a spoon with his mind. The child says that you can't try to bend the spoon because that's impossible, only try to realize the truth - that there is no spoon! (here's the clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaJPNrf1DPY)
Soooo whenever my mind races as I try to fall asleep, I just say over and over to myself "There is no spoon, there is no spoon" Sometimes I replace the word spoon with whatever it is that I'm currently obsessing over. Crazy I know, but it works for me! :-)
I heard about this study, too. My thoughts -- when I was a kid, during summer break, if my sister and I told my mom we were bored, my mom would reply, "good! Now maybe you'll use your imagination and creativity to come up with something entertaining for yourself." Learning to live with a little boredom is a good thing.
ReplyDeleteAs an adult, I treasure those times when I can't do anything, like when waiting for my kids someplace. I can simply think about anything I please, or observe everything around me, without interruptions or distractions.
I am soooo with you on this one. A year or two ago I had to have a bunch of dental work done (had all of my old fillings replaced with non-metallic ones.) Anyhow, they had troubles getting my mouth to numb properly so I spent a LOT of time hanging out in the chair waiting. I really enjoyed just being able to sit there and let my mind wander, but it made the dental assistants CRAZY! They kept trying to give me magazines & newspapers or some other something to distract me. They simply couldn't believe that I preferred to just sit there!
DeleteLove the Facebook-sniffing photo! But the cat legion one freaks me out a little.
ReplyDeleteI think it is human nature to be easily distracted. It's been a long time since my World Religions class in college, but it seems to me that most major religions advocate time spent alone in meditation and prayer. I suspect that most of us know that time would be well-spent, and while I know that many of your readers don't follow any formal religious practice, I would also say that those of us who do, believe that our Creator knows it is good for us as well. We happen to live in a culture unlike any before us where constant distraction/entertainment is available 24/7 in the comfort of our own homes. So I don't think this is a new phenomenon ... it's just been wayyyyyyyyyyy ramped up, what with all the tech offerings we have now. As you mentioned, it's easy to be distracted without technology--this just gives us another avenue.
I would add my usual concern to your thought-provoking post--how is this affecting the next generation? At least my generation should have an idea of what down-time should look like, but kids today will never know how to mentally/emotionally/socially unplug unless we teach them.
I am doing something sorta similar to your challenge this year--our church is encouraging a 1-hour/month time of solitary prayer and so far I've done it 3 times (we started in May), so I guess I'm "in" with you on this project, although maybe not quite the way you had envisioned it. It's been good so far and really not as difficult as it would seem ... but I do get ... ahem ... distracted during my one hour. ;)
You are totally correct about most religious traditions including prayer or meditation. I think it's a pretty fundamentally important piece of connecting ourselves to something larger - whether you view that something as a spiritual being or just a connection to our own humanity.
DeleteThat being said, I've never totally understood the Christian concept of prayer, so I'm not sure I have a good picture of what an hour of solitary prayer looks like. My kindergarten level understanding is that prayer is basically when you're asking God for favors, but I'm sorta thinking it's more than that. Any way you slice it, an hour sounds like a challenge in the distraction department!
And I'm totally with you when it comes to the kids. I simply can't imagine the world that today's kids inhabit. I think I read something once about a teacher who challenged his students to go an entire week without texting or social media. Only a handful made it - most gave in after less than an hour! It always makes me so sad when I see people walking on the bike path on a beautiful day with ear buds or talking on their phones. Seems like they're missing so much.
Prayer is a very complex topic and I'm not really "qualified" to give an official answer, but I can give you my thoughts on it. For Christians, the Lord's prayer is supposed to be our model for prayer--I'm sure I'll miss some areas, but we are to acknowledge that God is holy ("hallowed be Thy name ...") and is to be given honor, ask for life on earth to be done according to His will and not ours, ask for our daily needs ("give us this day our daily bread"), ask for forgiveness and forgive others who have wronged us, keep us from being tempted to do wrong. I do ask for certain things--peace, to raise my children well, help for those struggling--but not so much for material goodies. My personal take is that prayer changes me more than it changes God--I naturally am selfish and learning to pray unselfishly helps me to think more of others, for instance.
DeleteAs I said ... I'm not qualified to give you some great theological thoughts on prayer, so take what I said with that in mind!!! And I'm not sure I totally understand prayer, either!
Hmmmm... well, I do know the Lord's Prayer (although I can never figure out if it's supposed to be forgive us our debts or trespasses) and I also know the one that starts "Lord make me an instrument of thy peace... " Anyhow, that's an interesting distinction, that prayer is more about you than God. I suppose when you look at those 2 prayers I mentioned, they're mostly about asking God for help being a better person. That makes much more sense to me than praying for your team to win a football game or something like that! :-)
DeleteI asked a minister once about the "debt" vs. "trespass" thing. He said that "debt" was older language, but either was okay.
DeleteOK... so it's not a Protestant vs. Catholic thing like the water and wine and all that... To be honest, I think the whole issue of translations in scripture is quite fascinating. I read something once that had a whole variety of different possible translations of the Lord's Prayer from the original Aramaic and the differences were quite striking. I think I also read somewhere the word "virgin" used to describe Mary could actually more accurately be translated as "maiden" - which would sorta change the whole Jesus birth story rather dramatically!
DeleteMy interest is more in the evolution of language than in any religious implications, but I still think it's an interesting idea to ponder how even committing something to writing doesn't really assure that the subtleties of its meaning will remain intact over the centuries.
This is an interesting challenge. My first thought was, "I can do that, easily. I do it all the time." My second thought was, "Given half a chance, I am constantly distracting myself. Just now, reading your post, I went off to look at the blog where I first saw this experiment reported, then I remembered a comment I'd thought of making (I think the study may not show quite what it appears to show), which involved looking something up, so I did all that before coming back here.
ReplyDeleteSo, um, yes, I'll join you in this challenge and find out whether it's as easy as I think it'll be. I'm wondering where I'll 'just sit'. In the experiment they were told to spend 15 minutes in a sparse room "entertaining themselves with their thoughts." 'Sparse' is not a notable feature of the rooms in my house. If I try this in the house, I'm surrounded by distractions, so just sitting with my thoughts will be a meditation exercise, which might not be such a bad thing. If I go outside, it seems easier, but does watching the birds count as a distraction? That's what I had in mind when I thought it would be easy, but maybe that's not really the same thing.
Ha! Yes... "sparse" is not exactly a prominent feature in my home either. So far I've been doing my sitting in the living room, but I might try switching to the bedroom... but I don't have any chairs in there and if I sit on the bed I'm asking for trouble in the falling asleep department. hmmm.... I suppose I could try sitting on the floor.
DeleteAnd I share your confusion about what counts as a distraction. Right up there with what counts as a portion of veggies! :-) For me so far, the main issue has been the cats. We'll see if Smoky will tolerate me being on the other side of a closed door or not!
I'm in! I'm an excellent daydreamer though so I doubt I'll be diving into the deep recesses of my brain during those 15 minutes, most likely just imagining a world with instant toasters or something. But I can try! (And the fact that the older participants in the study struggled with this surprised me more than the college students! I would think an older generation would have more practice waiting and being bored.)
ReplyDeleteWait... instant toasters? What exactly is an instant toaster? :-)
DeleteI'm an accomplished daydreamer as well so I doubt I'll have trouble filling up those 15 minutes, but it has been nice to give myself time to just breathe each day.
haha, that's a toaster that changes bread into toast in less than 2 seconds! My imagination is hard at work on the specs for an instant dishwasher as well ;)
DeleteOoooo... I want an instant dishwasher! How about an instant washing machine too! :-)
DeleteI <3 this post!
ReplyDeleteThis might be a bit beside your main point, but I think It's inevitable that we'll bring our inner demons with us and project them onto our new lifestyles, even if the new lifestyle is a seemingly wholesome one. Unless we face them (and maybe also love them) that is. I was a perfectionst who tried to make myself happy/worthy (or numb myself?) with doing, amongst other things. Then I became ill, and realized that happiness is not to be found after the next acheivement or whatever, and that I needed to live my life quite differently if I wanted to have any hope of improvement in health and happiness. Of course, that became the new thing. "I must eat perfectly. I must have a wonderfully decluttered home and perfect intimacy with my significant other. I must do meditations on my inner child, my breath, my chackras (just in case it isn't hogwash), and I must see all kinds of holistic therapists or else I won't have any chance at feeling better". Of course, more often than not, I was utterly exhausted before I could even begin.
I'm all for making the best of our circumstances, gratitude and all that. Truly. But I just don't think that's enough if we want to feel whole and alive. We need to face our pain aswell (of course, that can become the new thing we obsess about doing perfectly). I'm beginning to really believe that we need to feel and grieve our pain, in order to be able to move on. Authors I find inspirational are Alice Miller and John Bradshaw amongst others. This might sound a bit random, but I've struggled with chronic bloating for many years. It improved quite a bit when I mostly cut out grains for a long while, but it wasn't a clear cut thing, and it didn't heal properly. Like you, lately I sometimes just start crying, and I can feel that I'm grieving something, although I often don't know what. After a long, hard cry, my bloating is almost always so much better. And that's just an improvement that's physically visible.
And this is really about your other post about repairing things. I just wanted to say that I'm really impressed by your handyness and creativity with all sorts of practical issues that pop up in your life!
And one last thing, regarding emotional healing, I'm considering trying something called Somatic Experiencing. Maybe that's a useful tip for someone.
Hope you're doing well!
Maria
Yes, yes, yes!!! I think you got my point completely. Obsessing about inner peace or one's carbon footprint can be used to the same way obsessing about having the perfect handbag, or how many calories one is consuming, or doing a "perfect job" at work can. It's all just a tool we use to avoid what's really going on inside. I am sooo in agreement that we can't ever really hope to achieve happiness if we're unwilling to face our pain.
DeleteAnyhow, thanks for the comment and thanks for "getting me!" I'm off to go read about Somatic Experiencing now...
I'm in! During high school, I had a teacher who let me do a semester of independent study on meditation. I was living on my own, and I swear to god it saved my life. So, naturally, I stopped doing it after I graduated high school.
ReplyDeleteAnyhoo, I recently took a month break from facebook (Imma blog about it, naturally) and it was such an eye opener. I've been wanting to do more "mindful" exercises/get back into meditation, so I'm with you on this one. I will MUTE MY FUCKING PHONE, to make sure I'm not distracted. Starting tonight! Thank you for the suggestion.
Woo Hoo! Looks like we have a little "alone with our thoughts" club forming. I haven't had any earth shattering revelations yet, but it is nice to give myself a chance to wind down before bed. :-)
DeleteI realized last night that I have plenty of moments of "zoning out," but not a lot of being fully present. If that makes any sense.
DeleteImma go read your "good ol' days" post that you mentioned to Michael now!
Yes... an interesting distinction between consciously doing nothing, and doing nothing because your brain has just temporarily gone out to lunch. I agree that being present for your nothingness is the more helpful variety. :-)
DeleteI remember the good ole days before smart-phones, before Facebook, before Twitter, before blogs! ... Remember how peaceful life was back then? Life was so simple ... there was so much time for life.
ReplyDeleteOh yes... no internet, no cable TV... no answering machines even. Feels like another lifetime. Did you read my post on the good ol' days? You might get a kick out of it:
Deletehttp://ecocatlady.blogspot.com/2014/03/back-in-day.html
I saw that same study. At first I thought the people must be a bit unbalanced to give themselves electric shock rather than sit and do nothing for 15 minutes. Then I got to thinking. I can sit and do nothing in a field surrounded by bird song or listening to the leaves in the wind. I can sit by the water forever and just smell it or run my feet through the water. But I don't know if I would be content to sit inside a room with no sounds but my own breathing. Now I would meditate if I was stuck in that room and would never shock myself but I can see how a room with no stimuli would be hard to handle for some.
ReplyDeleteI'll join you in 15 minutes of peace if I can do it outside.
Well, as you know, I'm not big on rules, so as far as I'm concerned doing nothing outside absolutely counts!
DeleteI have recently started acupuncture for migraines. For some people, acupuncture is very relaxing. Not for me. I've had to learn to lie still for 30-40 minutes and be alone with my thoughts while the needles are in. This has been hard for me. First of all, being physically still is not my nature--I'm always fidgeting. Second of all, my mind is always working . But with time, I am learning to slow down. I have the laying still and relaxing my body down reasonably well and I'm learning how to slow down my thoughts. It takes practice.
ReplyDeleteWell, first of all, the entire idea of acupuncture scares me to death! I'm not a big fan of needles. But it is interesting. When I've had my little yoga sobbing outbursts, it's almost always during "corpse pose" which is where you just lay on your back and try to relax completely. Of course, I've never tried it for 30-40 minutes! I think I might have a very hard time staying awake! :-)
DeleteI'll take the challenge with you! I'm going to put in a 15 minute "Do nothing" appointment on my outlook calender.
ReplyDeleteYou crack me up. Quick... get ready... relax now!!
DeleteI've seen that study around on social media, but I haven't had the chance to read it yet. I definitely agree that we try to do too many things at once these days (as an example I am typing this on my laptop while also watching TV!). I keep trying different meditation apps on my phone as a way to tune out, but don't seem to be able to get past the first day!
ReplyDeleteHowever, you've inspired me to try and stick with it for more than one day. I'll see how I go :)
OK... I'm laughing out loud at the mere idea of a "meditation app". Now there's an oxymoron if ever there was one! Anyhow, I'm not sure that the idea here is exactly the same as meditation. I mean, we're not really trying to clear our minds of extraneous thoughts, just trying to experience what's there.
DeleteCat, I think you've just described the point of meditation exactly as I understand it! It's not about emptying the mind, which is an impossible task, but being gently aware of the thoughts that come and go without getting caught up in them. I was cynical of meditation apps at first but have grown to love Insight Timer, which I use daily, mostly for its eponymous timer facility which has way nicer ringing singing bowl bells than my phone's alarm tones. A great aid to anyone nurturing a 15 minute 'sitting' practice, whether it's meditation or not :-) (It also has guided meditations of all descriptions, a session logging feature and a social networking aspect to it, but I use those less).
DeleteWell... I suppose that all makes sense, it just made me laugh. It sorta sounded like a Saturday Night Live skit: Inner Peace? There's an App for That!
DeleteAnyhow, that's an interesting take on meditation. I think I've read so much Buddhist stuff where people are practicing Zazen meditation, working on various Koans (riddles) striving for Satori (enlightenment) consulting with various masters, yadda, yadda, yadda... and it makes it sound very arduous. It's an interesting thought that perhaps mediation doesn't have to be quite so regimented and goal oriented.
I spent some time over the weekend thinking about this very topic, because I am by nature a worrier and am working on it. Because such thoughts creep up when I am "alone with my thoughts" I tend to avoid it and stay busy, busy, busy... I feel guilty when I take naps, but they are oh-so-good for you. So, I am trying to get over that.
ReplyDeleteI am in front of a computer all day and have difficulting disconnecting when I get home at night. A lot of it is stupid -- checking FB, checking blogs I like to read. I realized how this was adding to my anxiety level -- sort of like, "Oh, I'm so busy..." when really I'm not.
I have a particular money blog I really like to read (and comment in the forums) but am tapering on that too. Most of the people comment pretty above board, so it's not negative and I've learned a great deal. But, I've found that after awhile it can become obsessive in a non-healthy way. I enjoy reading about other peoples' stories of financial independence for inspiration and insight, but after awhile it's good to shut it down and talk to the people closest to you about your ideas and aspirations.
I tend to worry as well, but I find that the more I'm able to deal with my emotional stuff, the more I realize that most of the worrying is just the externalization my own internal emotional conflict. Somehow it's a lot easier to ruminate about getting cancer, or the house burning down, or being attacked by the ax murderer, or WHATEVER, than it is to deal with the stuff I've spent a lifetime running away from.
DeleteRelated to this, I'm also thinking about having a "news fast." There is so little that constitutes real news and we're bombarded with constant "updates" and pseudo-science.
ReplyDeleteFor instance, on last night's evening "news" a major network reported that there's been a "BREAKTHROUGH!!!" with a test to discover who might get Alzheimer's.
I said to my husband, "Oh, that's a relief. A new test for a horrible disease with no cure so we can spend more years sitting around anxious waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Another favorite last week, "There's a link between freckles and breast cancer!" Of course, this isn't a real scientific, peer reviewed study that tells us one iota about preventing the disease.
There's lots of information out there, and computers and social media make it possible to dig about anything up. But you really have to ask yourself, "and now what?!?!?" Total ignorance is bad. But ignoring lots of crap is really healthy.
I think a news fast is a very healthy thing. I've done it before, and probably should get back to it. The only thing that ever has a real impact on my life is the weather report, and there are lots of ways to get that information without subjecting myself to the craziness of an entire newscast.
DeleteOn some level I think that human beings are just not designed to process the amount of information that's thrown at us in this crazy modern world of ours. I mean, just comparing the information overload of today to what life was like back when I was a kid... it's pretty overwhelming. And for the vast majority of human history, people were lucky to get any real "news" - at least on anything happening outside of their own immediate circle, once a month or so!
I think if anything really important happens, someone would let us know...
Late to the discussion but...I think it's human nature to continuously scan our environment for threats. Now that most of us don't face external threats daily, I think we create our own inside our heads. Any imagined slight becomes a flight-or-flight emergency. But I'm not saying it was better in the old days when our lives were at stake! I agree with everyday Life on a Shoestring - I could not sit still and meditate and empty my mind, but I've since learned to let thoughts come and go very lightly. Not having ever learned or done meditation, I didn't realize that was the point all along!
ReplyDeleteHmmm... now that's an interesting theory. It's sort of a depressing thought though that we're somehow internally programmed to be in constant threat mode.
Delete