I'm sure I've, ahem, mentioned this before... but I am a hopeless night owl. I have tried to reform SO. MANY. TIMES. that it isn't even funny.
I've read that the night owl vs. morning lark thing is sort of a set phenomenon, and I'm not exactly trying to change my essential nature, I just would like to feel like I'm living in the same timezone as most of the people around me.
So, for the past week or so, I've been trying to look at the problem from an objective point of view, and I've actually been able to identify a few patterns that seem to be contributing to the problem.
I seem to have all of my "chores" stacked up either at the very beginning or very end of the day. I'm not quite sure how it ended up this way, but I've somehow managed to give myself a HUGE list of things that I have to do before I can go to bed each night, and then another big list first thing in the morning. This leads to trouble in several ways.
First of all, it just takes several hours to complete everything that's on my night time list. I have to feed & medicate the cats, change all the water bowls, clean all the litter boxes, wash the dishes, clean the kitchen, take out the garbage, and try to get any projects that I've started to a decent stopping place. This doesn't even include my own personal bedtime routine like brushing my teeth, taking a bath, yadda, yadda, yadda!
My conclusion is that this is just WAY TOO MUCH to try to do before bed! And what often happens is that since it feels like way too much, I tend to avoid it and put it off. So I end up not even starting on the night time routine until one in the morning... and then I'm trying to hurry through it because I know I've blown it again... and then it's like three in the morning before I get to bed, and of course, I can't sleep at that point because I'm all wound up from trying to hurry through it all.
So I finally get to sleep around 4 or 5, which means that I end up sleeping until noon - of course, I usually get woken up at least once or twice during the morning hours because somebody's mowing the lawn, or the phone rings, or cats are hungry, or something. So I finally drag myself out of bed at noon, and before I'm even up, I feel like I'm behind, and I have to hit the ground with both feet running.
Of course, this doesn't exactly make me want to get out of bed, because as soon as I do I'm thrust into "I'm late" mode again, and I'm rushing around feeding cats, cleaning litter boxes, cooking breakfast, and feeling like a complete and utter failure.
This is obviously NOT WORKING! So, instead of just beating myself up about how I'm a terrible person (like I usually do) I'm thinking that perhaps I need a different approach.
Now, generally in the past when I have tried to cure myself of this problem I've gone about it by creating a bunch of rules that I have to follow. In other words, I tell myself that I have to be more diligent about finishing things and have to push harder to get myself do all of my chores.
But, since forcing myself into a box never really seems to work for me, I've decided to try tackling this from a new angle. Instead of focusing on making myself do a bunch of stuff, I'm going to focus on the taking care of myself part.
So I'm going to give myself the gift of having evening time to relax and wind down, even if this means leaving some of the chores for the next day.
Soooo, from now on, after 9pm is me time!
No more evening projects or chores - there's plenty of other time to do all of that stuff. And maybe, just maybe if I allow myself time to relax and settle down, I'll actually be able to go to bed and sleep at a decent hour!
AND... when I get up I'm going to allow myself an hour or so to enjoy the morning, drink my tea and relax into the day instead of jumping up and starting the race again.
So has anybody else out there ever struggled with this sort of thing? I'm curious to know how you've approached it.
Yea! A new approach! Sounds promising.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure I've struggled with this sort of thing, though not this exact thing. For example, I learned in college that I should try to do my homework and studying as soon as possible because a) if something fun came up, I wanted to be free to do it, even if it was right before something was due and b) my brain doesn't work for very long during finals (I could study 8 hours before it froze up on the first day of finals, but only 4 hours by the last day), plus all-nighters didn't work for me either, so it was best for me to have kept up with the learning all along.
I learned that once I start on homework, I should keep chugging along so long as I'm making progress rather than making myself take a break (as recommended by pretty much everyone) after some arbitrary amount of time because I hated going back to studying. Once I was in the flow, it was best to stay there. It's the same for chores and work projects.
For sleeping, my problem is that I like getting up early, staying up late, and getting enough sleep. And naps don't really work for me (super short ones might--I'm not sure yet). So, each night I have to pick two! I have trouble going to bed when I don't feel I've had enough fun yet, so telling myself I can read in bed can help. (Except the night before last when I was up until 3 am finishing a book.) Getting up on a work day is hard, so it's good that a) I have to go to the bathroom and b) I have yummy breakfast. On work days, I do not allow myself to go back to bed after getting up (unless it's still the middle of the night)--that is extremely dangerous.
I think for this kind of thing, the best thing to do is to try out different approaches and see what works for you. Even stupid-seeming approaches. I have one friend who switched her gym membership from every day to three days a week to get herself to go to the gym more often. It seems counterintuitive at first, but with an every-day membership, she found it easy to tell herself she could go some other day instead. With the three-day membership, it felt much more like a use-it-or-lose-it situation.
Good luck!
I LOVE the idea of trying out different approaches even if they seem stupid or counterintuitive. Because, clearly, if the obvious solutions were gonna work for me, they'd have worked by now!
DeleteTHANK YOU! I'm constantly told I should take breaks when I'm studying and no one seems to believe me that breaks don't work for me, that I need to keep going until I'm finished!
DeleteSome of my classmates freak out when they find out I haven't started my assignment due in 2 days time, but I do it all in one go for a couple of hours and my system has worked fairly well for me so far since I'm an honour student!
Everyone needs to find what works best for them, particularly if there's a block of time during the day where we are at our most productive. I often reckon that if my education was flexible, I'd be most productive in the middle of the night!
I'm the same way when I'm working on software. It's like it takes me soooo long to get my brain into the zone where all the gears are clicking and I've got all the variables in my head, that it's just more efficient to keep working than to stop and then have to rev up my brain all over again!
DeleteI totally agree - do what works for you!
Good luck with your experiment. I think you are are on the right track. I am glad that I have a job that provides me with regular structure. I'm not sure that I'd do so well without the routines it provides.
ReplyDeleteI fought it and fought it when I had structure imposed upon me, but I'm slowly coming to accept that perhaps a bit of structure is a good thing. :-)
DeleteSo yeah, you and I are far too much alike! I got REALLY used to our summer schedule where I could sleep in and do practically nothing other than bare essentials. Now that school has started (and it's at an ungodly house--7:45am), I actually find I'm WAY more productive and with that, less depressed and "happy" (still trying to figure that thing out). The idea of waking up early still makes me squirm, but I just think of how I feel once I've been productive, and it's all worth it. Fingers crossed, you find a routine that works for you!
ReplyDeleteSeriously? School starts at 7:45 in the morning? That qualifies as cruel and unusual in my book! But I'm so glad that the new schedule is working for you!
DeleteI have to make it a point to turn off my brain before I get into bed. I think you are right to whittle down your evening list. I'd also suggest that you try to wean back on the bedtime hours. If you were literally getting into bed at 4AM, aim for 3AM for a week or two, then to 2AM, etc. Remember that your circadian rhythm is already set. I'd ease into new hours rather than trying to do it cold turkey!
ReplyDeleteWell, I've actually tried the weaning method about a zillion times and it never works because I always mess up and then I'm back to square one! So this time I'm trying cold turkey and we'll see what happens. So far no problems falling asleep, even when I've gone to bed at 12:20 - so I think my body will adjust as long as I give myself time to wind down.
DeleteSchool in Brazil starts at 7:10 (University usually at 8:00). Inhuman, right? I've slept through many first periods...
DeleteWhen I was unenployed, my sleep pattern was pretty much like yours -- sleep at 5am, wake up at noon, feel crappy and guilty about it. Then I got a job in another town, and suddenly had to get up at 6am to travel every day. I thought it would take me a long time to adjust, but it didn't, and I had (unsucessfully) tried wening myself many times as well. So I say keep going! I now go to bed at 11pm and wake up at 7, even if I don't have to (most people don't show up at the office before 10), because it feels sooo much better than sleeping/getting up late :o) Seriously, when I get up at 11 on weekends I feel like crap all day.
Well, they say that you should always get up at the same time whether you have gotten to bed on time or not. I dunno though... I have a hard time convincing my body that sleeping in isn't a good idea! :-)
DeleteBut I do think there's something to be said for the cold turkey approach. Sorta like moving to a different time zone or something like that.
My main problem is that things always seem to derail my in my efforts to get to bed. Tonight it's sick kitties. Sigh.
I have the same problem of staying up too late, and have been trying to work on it too. My hours at uni are fairly flexible, but if I get in at 9, I usually have the office to myself for a couple of hours, which is nice and peaceful. So I'm trying to get in by 9 each day.
ReplyDeleteI find writing blog posts ahead of time helps, so I'm not up till all hours doing that...
Oh yes... the interwebs are very dangerous after dark - they lure you into their dark twisty passages and the hours just seem to evaporate! So for my purposes, cruising the blogosphere and writing posts is gonna count as "a project" and I'm not gonna go there at night any more!
DeleteWeirdly, I find that I sleep better if I have done chores before bed...perhaps because I know that I will wake up to a clean house! Although, really, I don't suppose that the chores need to be done at bedtime, I just end up doing them before bed as I have not done them for the rest of the day.
ReplyDeleteWhilst I don't really have problems with sleep, I do have the problem of trying to solve things by giving myself even more rules..l too have found this to be really unproductive and guilt inducing! For instance...the to do list...I am trying to think of this as a reminder list rather than a 'must complete all of these things NOW!' list, as the latter just makes me feel bad when I don't finish everything. Being more chilled out about it means that I will do random jobs not on The List as they occur to me, rather than adding them to list where they become another chore...
PS we have totally different sleeping patterns...I am usually up at 6am and in bed by 10pm...4am makes me tired just thinking about it...I'd be better getting up at 4am!
I sleep better when they're done too... which is how I ended up in this situation in the first place! But I'm finding that if I try to spread them out throughout the day, it's much less onerous than leaving it all for bedtime!
DeleteI'm struggling to imaging willingly getting out of bet by 6am. I am so jealous of people like you!
That was supposed to say "struggling to IMAGINE" - spell check failed me again!
DeleteThe downside of 6am is that I don't have to go to bed that late to be a total zombie in the morning! But, overall, I think I prefer being an 'annoying morning person' (my friends hated sleepovers with me when we were teenagers...and I always used to clean up at house parties because waiting for everyone else to wake up was BORING!
DeleteHa! Can't say that I've ever had the experience of waiting for anybody else to wake up, but I can imagine it could get annoying. :-)
DeleteI can't function on too little sleep, so I make my 9pm bedtime nonnegotiable. (It helps that I'm usually dead tired by that time.) So around 8, I start my bedtime routine - take care of kitties, pack lunches, brush my teeth. I usually finish before 9, which means I can lounge in bed for a few minutes with a magazine (books are dangerous in bed ;) ). Some nights, I'm running late - but as long as I take care of the cats, I get in bed by 9 and forget the rest.
ReplyDeleteI like your relax in the evenings/early mornings idea. That's one of my favorite aspects of the weekend - getting a nice, slow start :)
In bed by 9... wow! I never even had a job where I got to leave work before 9... it sorta feels like early evening to me! The perils of working in the music world I guess. I must admit though, some part of me thinks it would be wonderful!
DeleteThe dreaded To Do list. Of course, for the past month & a half due to my work accident, my schedule has been dictated by how my pain level is for the day. I'm at a point where anything accomplished is reason to celebrate.
ReplyDeleteI've found that over the years my circadian rhythm has changed. I used to literally jump out of bed in the morning & hit the ground running. Now it's difficult to get going in the morning. Once the sun sets, my battery shuts down now and I can't seem to do much of anything.
I do think that rushing through a long list of chores at the end of the evening is a recipe for trouble getting to sleep. I think your giving yourself time to relax once up before jumping into your chores is a good idea. Lessening the pressure you have put upon yourself should make the chores less odious and make your days and evenings more pleasurable. Life shouldn't be a treadmill. Enjoy it while you are still young. No one but you is keeping score.
Well, I've never experienced actually feeling awake in the morning. It generally takes me an hour or two to come to full consciousness and stop feeling like I'm gonna puke... no matter what time I get up!
DeleteBut I totally agree that life should NOT be a treadmill, and thank you for pointing out that I'm the only person keeping score here. I think I need to remind myself of that fact more often!
Hope you're feeling better soon!
Sounds like a great plan! I've found that my to-do list always gets shoved to the evening because I'm too darned tired to do it in the morning, which gets me to bed late, which means I'm too tired to do the chores in the morning before work. I keep trying to only let myself do one chore after 7pm. Hasn't worked so far, but I think I'll be inspired by your progress. Looking forward to hearing how no chore-evenings go for you. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteWell, so far so good. I just put together a lasagna and stuck it in the fridge for movie night this week - meaning I did it ahead of schedule, and for no particular reason, and it sorta seemed like no big deal. This is a rather amazing development. Perhaps giving myself time to recharge my batteries is working after all!
DeleteI'm even sorta feeling like cleaning the bathtub! Wait, who am I? And what have I done with me?!? :-)
This is sort of the same approach I had to take when I had a baby and a toddler--there are times in your life when you can't get all of the "shoulds" done and "good enough" has to be just that--good enough!
ReplyDeleteI love your autumnal leaves although I'm not quite in the mindset for it yet ...
It is a bit early for fall, but once football season starts, I just can't help myself!
DeleteLOL I am a night owl too. I'm in between jobs right now (deliberate break between jobs) and I've been sleeping till 11am. Now, even though that wonderful Portlandia theme ("Sleep till 11 . . . ") is going through my head, I realize two things:
ReplyDelete1. The way I feel when I wake up after sleeping 9 hours has made me realize that when working, going to bed at 1 and getting up at 7, I live in a constant state of sleep deprivation, that is having a negative effect on me. 8-9 hours seems about right because it's clearly what my body does when left to its own devices.
2. I won't be able to keep sleeping till 11 when I start my new job.
This means -- eeek! -- figuring out how to get to sleep earlier.
That will probably involve meds. Midlife hormonal changes have only made my tendency toward insomnia worse, and I don't think I will "naturally" go to sleep at 10 or 11 pm anytime, ever. Never have, not even when I was a little kid.
If you figure out how to make a nocturnal-biorhythm body go to sleep at 10 or 11 pm, let me know!
Well, having several hours of downtime before bed seems to be helping me. That plus melatonin! :-)
DeleteALL. THE. TIME!! Seriously, my body wants to wake at noon for starters. When I was a teen, the weekends were mine and every one could set their clocks by my wake up time. It never mattered what time I went to be, 3 am or 8 am I woke at noon. Of course, being a mom that had to change. But now that I am single and free, I am back to falling in bed around 3 and waking between 10 and 11, simply because everyone seems to wake me up thinking I've slept long enough.
ReplyDeleteChores were always a problem for me. I hit my stride after 8 and want to work like crazy, but then I want "me" time before bed which pushes bedtime even later. And my mornings have to start slowly or I am grouchy.
I have tried really hard this summer to go to bed earlier, it works for a few days then I slip back into my regular routine of being up late. Of course now it's football season and being on the east coast the games end really late, especially when they are delayed by 40 minutes :-) So now at least 2 days of the week I'll want my "me" time after the games which means....3 or later bedtime.
At my age I think I should just give up and resign myself to enjoying the middle of the night and the hell with what everyone else thinks I should be doing.
Ha! My football timezone gripe is that those east coast games start soooo early in the morning! Can't tell you the number of times I've actually had to set my alarm so I don't miss an 11am kickoff!
DeleteI know what you mean about hitting your stride in the evening. I am finding that giving myself time to wind down is helping though. Plus, putting the focus on ensuring that I get to start winding down earlier sorta takes the pressure off. I don't feel like it's such an effort to get to bed earlier like I used to.
Time will tell though... this is certainly not the first time I've attempted to alter this pattern! :-)
I have to get up at 6.30am for work but I tend to not go to bed until around 11.30pm or midnight as I like that quiet time where I can think and relax. The result is being pretty tired most of the time! I really need to go to bed earlier and one measure I've taken is not drinking anything with caffeine in after 6pm. So far, so good!
ReplyDeleteI think I'd be exhausted if I tried to keep that schedule! Limiting caffeine is a great idea. I have a cup of green tea with breakfast every day and then that's it for the caffeine. But, I've never really been a fan of that "buzzed" feeling! :-)
DeleteWe have similar timeframes & time management issues. I have no real advice as most of the things I try only are temporary solutions, and not long lasting habits. If you crack the code, let me know!
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm making slow progress. Putting the emphasis on relaxing in the evenings rather than on bedtime per se seems to be helping. Time will tell though, 'cause this sure ain't my first rodeo where this issue is concerned!
Delete