Seriously, I can't even work in the front yard without some dude with a clipboard trying to sell me cable TV or security systems, or subscriptions to the paper, or save my soul, or God knows what else!
So today, when yet ANOTHER one knocked on my door, I decided I'd had enough!
I'm not sure exactly why it bothers me so much. I mean there's the invasion of privacy for sure, but it's sort of deeper than that. It's like the hand of corporate America thinks it somehow has a right to march right into my living room or something. To be honest, it really pisses me off.
Don't worry, I didn't go postal or anything, but I did decide that I needed a No Solicitors sign.
My first thought was to find something on the web and print it out. My oh my... I guess I'm not the only one with this problem! Check out these little gems!
There's the direct approach:
Slightly annoyed yet still comical:
Hit 'em in the pocketbook:
Make 'em wonder if you're slightly crazy:
Inform them directly that you ARE crazy:
Tell them where to go:
And my own personal favorite:
In the end I decided to just make my own. I went for a combination of polite and thorough. Since so many of those selling things are kids trucked in from god-knows-where, they probably don't even know what the word "solicitors" means, and I wasn't taking any chances!
Anyhow, here's what I came up with:
If anybody would like to print it out and use it, please feel free, if you click on it, you should get to the full resolution version.
And one last amusing footnote to this story. When I told CatMan about my sign, his response was: "That's a great idea. Maybe you should go door to door in the neighborhood selling them!"
Gotta love a man with a wry sense of humor!
Anyhow, how about you? Do solicitors make you crazy or is it just me? Any other great ideas on how to deal with them?
They do annoy me, but I don't get as many door-to-door visitors as I used to in a different neighborhood. Nowadays we usually just get kids with a mower asking if we want them to mow, which I take as my sign to do some yardwork. ;)
ReplyDeleteI really hate the religious kooks though; dealing with them brings out the ornery in me. I've responded with a range of things, from telling them I worship the dee-vil to screaming no thanks and slamming the door in their face. The boyfriend finally printed some "Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster" propaganda so that we can fight back next time.
"Have you found jesus?"
"Have YOU been touched by the noodly appendage of the flying spaghetti monster? He boiled for your sins brother! Here is some literature for YOU! It's free!"
Course now that we're prepared we've had no visitors. Drat!
Forgot the link!
DeleteOMG you're totally crackin' me up. I fear I am far too polite. CatMan, on the other hand, has a "show no mercy" strategy. One of them asked him what he would say to God on the day of judgement, and he replied, "If I ever get that close to him, I'm gonna strangle the bastard for all the wars and suffering he's caused!"
DeleteThe guy got all freaked out and started backing away saying things like "You can't do that! He's got body guards you know!" Oh my...
I used to love the huge picture window in my front room, but now I often keep the curtains drawn. Easier to pretend I'm not here when they can't see me.
ReplyDeleteThe religious soliciting... I feel for them. They're not getting paid; they think they're doing the right thing. (okay, sometimes the self-righteous thing.) the only time I got mad was when I looked through the peephole and saw this TINY little boy all dressed up in a suit and tie, holding a pamphlet. I didn't answer the door, but that still bugs me. Considering the level of aggravation and negative language they get, what kind of person exposes a little, little boy to that?
Wow... I guess they believe in indoctrinating them early. We've got several groups around here who regularly show up with children in tow.
DeleteYou know, it doesn't really bother me if they're polite and respectful. But I start getting really mad when they feel like it's OK to shit all over somebody else's beliefs. I mean, if they expect me to be respectful of their beliefs, the least they can do is to return the favor.
But recently, it's sort of grown beyond just annoying to downright intimidating. The last group I actually engaged were downright hostile. I didn't even want to broach the whole Christianity thing, so I just told them that I belonged to another church. But they just started going crazy like theirs was the ONLY church, and if I didn't join I was gonna rot in hell. I actually felt a bit afraid for my physical safety. I mean when people are SOOO convinced of their own righteousness, it sort of gives them license to do whatever they want to anybody else.
We don't get too many folks at the door, the kids selling candy. I've never bought any so we get less kids every year. The guys with the scam about the utilities- DH tells them to F*** off.I usually just tell them to find another line of work. The last time I had a jesus freak I tried to convert them---nearly did too :)So that was about 20 years ago.
ReplyDeleteMy charity contributions only go to animal or environmental causes and that's what I tell folk in person or on the phone.
I was once asked about it..."what about the crippled children" I said I look after the crippled cats-someone else will have to do the kids
Marie
Sounds like you've got them all nicely under control. I'm not sure what it is, but the past few weeks there have literally been dozens of them.
DeleteI love your line about the crippled cats. Every time I shop at PetCo they ask me if I want to make a donation for homeless cats. My general response is "no thanks, I'm busy rescuing all the homeless ones in my neighborhood."
CatMan is funny. So is LOLcat #1 - I'm still laughing OL.
ReplyDeleteI used to be those people. I KNOW, right? I liked it, against all odds. Here's some true stuff, by Kyria Abrahams:
http://www.streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/blog/why-you-shouldnt-care-about-offending-jehovahs-witnesses/
Roxanne
Holy Moly! Now there's an eye opening read.
DeleteMy best friend was a fundamentalist in her youth, and she describes it as "living inside the bubble." Anything that contradicts the teachings of the church is simple the devil at work.
So did you mean you used to be a Jehovah's Witness, or you used to be a door to door sales person? Either way, I'm glad you escaped!
Excellent article, thanks for the link. Eye-opening indeed. Interestingly, it's usually the only JW's who have the perseverance to make it all the way down my drive to my isolated house.
DeleteJW. And, me too!
DeleteJudith, they do have the persistence of their convictions, or some phrase like that.
DeleteI like the first one pretty well, simple and to the point.
ReplyDeleteI have to say that that is one of my favorite things about where I live now, on a dirt road with a long driveway. I could count on my hands the number of times strangers have knocked on my door in the last eight years. Divine.
Ahhhh, the long dirt road... I am sighing a wistful sigh. It did occur to me last night, that my front yard actually has a chain link fence that runs along either side of it, and it would be really simple to just run a fence across the front.... with a gate... and I could get a "Beware of Dog" sign... bet that would stop them!
DeleteI love some of the signs you came up with. I live in a condo that has a gate -- not a locked gate, or an imposing gate, or a gate with enemies' heads spiked on top. For whatever reason, just having that small physical barrier seems to keep out most of the unwanted knocks on the door.
ReplyDeleteI remember being terribly confused when I went to England and lawyers there are called solicitors. I think your sign makes it pretty clear what type of people you mean!
Very interesting. Well, if this doesn't work, I may consider the fence and gate option - although it sounds like much more work than hanging a sign!
Delete"Solicitor" is such a funny word... could mean lawyer, salesman, prostitute, religious proselytizer... I suppose in some sense they all derive from the basic meaning of asking for something, but it is a bit of a leap. CatMan & I study Spanish together and every once in a while we'll look up a word and discover a plethora of completely different and seemingly un-related meanings. Always leaves us scratching our heads, but I guess English has it's fare share too.
I will confess I rarely answer the door unless I recognize the car in the driveway. I really try to be polite (usually) if I do get "cornered" and the last time a religious group stopped by, they actually thanked me for my kindness. That kind of shocked me.
ReplyDeleteI have to share a laugh about kids selling candy. A neighborhood boy stopped by and asked if I wanted to buy some chocolate. I'd say he was about 6. I said "I'm so sorry, but I really can't - I'm diabetic", figuring the big word would stop him, LOL, aside from being the truth. He paused for half a second and came back with "Well then, would you like to buy a candle?" ROFL. Cracked me up.
OMG - that story is hilarious - the kid is a born salesman!
DeleteI love the signs and CatMan's sense of humor.
ReplyDeleteWe don't get many door to door visitors. The few we do get are mostly of the "my life's been rough and I'm trying to make it better and I found Jesus and I'm your new best friend and I ain't gonna let you get a word in edgewise now please buy some magazines" generally followed by something really rude when I say no.
Also, as a Christian I feel called to proselytize Christians who come to my door by pointing out that should be spending their time loving and serving the people they do know instead of bothering complete strangers. Renders them speechless every time.
That's brilliant! While my knowledge of the Christian faith is somewhat limited, I'm pretty sure that using the church as a big stick to hit other people over the head with, wasn't exactly what Jesus had in mind.
DeleteLike Stephanie, I live on a country road down a long dirt driveway. Plus my house can't be seen from the road. Plus I have two gates! Only the most determined religious proselytizers bother to make their way through all that. Isolation has its advantages sometimes. I can vouch for the "beware of the dog" sign, too. When I lived in the 'burbs I had one on my gate (though I didn't have a dog) and it worked most of the time.
ReplyDeleteThat's very interesting about the beware of dog sign. I thought of getting something that read: "Warning - Attack Cat on Duty" but figured people probably wouldn't take it seriously!
DeleteIn my neighbourhood, kids are always going door-to-door collecting bottles and cans so they can redeem the deposits to fund their hockey tournaments. While having kids involved in positive (non-delinquent) activities is great, hockey is an elitist sport. It costs $300+ to register and then the kids need new equipment almost every season. If families want to make sacrifices to put their kids in hockey, great, but I don't want to help defray their costs! Meanwhile, I am more of a "patron of the arts" than a sports fan. Once some high school students were canvassing in support of their arts and culture trip to Europe. I almost wanted to fund their trips myself :)
ReplyDeleteWell, I've gotta say I'm not a big hockey fan either. It's totally nonsensical - I LOVE football, but hockey has always just seemed like a street brawl on skates to me.
DeleteBut at least they just want bottles and cans... I mean it's better than if they were trying to sell you a bunch of useless crap. I'd be tempted to put a bin out on the porch for them or something. Well... maybe I'd be tempted if it was the local youth orchestra or choir - not sure I'd do it for the hockey team!
ah to live on a farm, that is much too far away for anyone to bother with - it is a little piece of heaven I tell you. In 8 years, the only people that randomly knock on my door are location scouts for film/tv (and they can knock anytime, because that is money in my pocket) and bird counters.
ReplyDeleteAnd as a Christian, I completely agree that using the church to hit people with is NOT what Jesus had in mind :)
Sigh... living on a farm... my head is full of idyllic scenes of pastures and fields and cute little animals. And the fact that your farm is picturesque enough for film & TV people to be interested in makes me all the more wistful.
DeleteThen again, it's sorta nice to be able to walk to the grocery store whenever I want to. :)
oh yes, walking to the grocery store is a dream of mine. I have all the produce I want within walking distance, but it's a 5km bike ride to town. In my next stage of life I think I will do some city living, in a small apartment with no car (but that's a few years away still).
DeleteAND, I forgot to mention that I have a door mat at the end of the walkway to my front door that says, "GO AWAY". Very effective ;)
DeleteI love it! Perhaps I need one of those too!
Deletebecause our house is off the beaten path we dont suffer too many door to doors (although the occassional evangalist turns up and catches me unaware : /). However we were getting telesales people calling our land line everyday and usually 3 or 4 times a night. I was seriously haveing a melt down with it. It was so upsetting and I felt invaded. They would call and wake the grandchild or disturb me from some serious frugalling task. Anyhow we registetred online
ReplyDeletefor the a thing that blocks them calling. It was free and run by the government. The calls stopped dead almost immediately thank goodness. I do sympathise with you. I found it REALLY upsetting.
x
I signed up for something like that years ago and it really helped. More recently I got this thing on my phone service that intercepts phone calls with a little message that says "this number does not accept solicitations" and makes the caller push a button in order to proceed - it's designed to foul up those automated calling devices that all the marketers use, and I seriously have not had one single marketing call since then. It even remembers "genuine" numbers after they've passed the test a few times so regular callers don't get intercepted. It's a WONDERFUL service!
DeleteCan you pass along the name of this anti-solicitations device(? app?, subscription?)? I think I get a call for air duct cleaning just about every day...
DeleteAlas, I wish I could, but it went away. It was a service that came through the phone company... whoever it was before Century Link bought them out. But once that happened the service disappeared, and now I'm back to getting half a dozen calls every day - and don't EVEN get me started about the ones that spoof the caller ID... downright criminal IMHO. Sigh.
DeleteI have a different set of people knocking on my door than you do, and different than when I was growing up. Nowadays I get people delivering packages; people selling delicious, low-cost tamales; people asking me to sign a petition and/or make a donation; and people offering to mow our yard or buy one of our cars. Mostly I don't open the door except for package delivery. My boyfriend has also memorized the car of his favorite tamale lady.
ReplyDeleteAs a Girl Scout, I learned that some people who wanted me to knock on their door to sell them cookies had a "no solicitors" sign posted. Which was very confusing. At least you're addressing the part where some people don't know what a solicitor is.
My little sister (ten years younger) once went door to door selling rocks. My brother (two years younger than me) and I knew she would never get any sales. We were wrong. Several people paid her SHINY PENNIES for her pretty rocks. They were awesome. My sister also went door to door looking for friends. "Hi, do you have any kids my age I can play with?" Yes, my sister is awesome, too.
I once told someone selling candy that I couldn't afford any and he said that I could write a check or use a credit card. Oy. I did some explaining. That wasn't quite as fun as when I explained to a caller that I had my own system for insuring that I could make credit card payments in the event that I lost my job: it's called a) never having credit card payments and b) having a savings account. And I get to use the savings whether I lose my job or not. And I don't have to spend it on credit card payments (which I never have anyway) but on whatever I need. I actually talked the caller into opening his own savings account. He made me reassure him that I didn't mind him stealing my idea! Best sales call ever.
OMG - I actually went door to door selling rocks when I was a kid too! I think I did paint them first though.
DeleteAnd the bit about talking the caller into opening a savings account is pure brilliance! I think you might have some sort of gift for "reverse soliciting" or something like that!
Yes, you can't just sell any old rocks; they have to be special.
DeleteNo, I don't have any reverse solicitor skills. This was a one-time deal. My one epic story that I re-tell often.
hehe love the zombies sign!
ReplyDeleteI know I am years late but I wanted to thank you for the sign you made.
ReplyDeleteIt is the perfectly elegant and creative way to say "GO AWAY!"
Love it
Hmmm... perhaps I should have just said that - it would have used less ink! :-) Thanks for stopping by.
Delete