tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7685979597473858413.post4895702290113366036..comments2024-02-23T02:03:23.020-07:00Comments on The Eco Cat Lady Speaks: One Snowy Night that Changed EverythingEcoCatLadyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15704811319510740473noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7685979597473858413.post-7016758402950737112018-12-03T18:27:44.246-07:002018-12-03T18:27:44.246-07:00Haven't seen The Red Tent, but I do agree that...Haven't seen The Red Tent, but I do agree that dying warm sounds like a good idea! :-)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15546157418528223210noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7685979597473858413.post-74137663580692675872018-12-03T13:08:35.949-07:002018-12-03T13:08:35.949-07:00My dad took me camping in January, I slept on the ...My dad took me camping in January, I slept on the ground head inside the sleeping bag shivering all night. I saw The Red Tent and hoep I die warm.Robert Callaghanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11211882347789815165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7685979597473858413.post-1576625370400629512012-11-29T22:16:52.907-07:002012-11-29T22:16:52.907-07:00I'm so glad that my crazy little life could se...I'm so glad that my crazy little life could serve as inspiration to anyone. But you know, it's interesting that you'd choose the word "strength" because in a funny way it was sort of the opposite. I felt as though I'd been fighting and trying and struggling my entire life, and the moment it all changed was when I basically gave up and stopped trying. I stopped trying to control what was going to happen, and stopped trying to be perfect. <br /><br />It's not like life has been all lollipops and sunbeams since, but I can draw a definite before and after line to that event.<br /><br />xoxoxo,<br />CatEcoCatLadyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15704811319510740473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7685979597473858413.post-85137286485585029972012-11-29T07:21:11.417-07:002012-11-29T07:21:11.417-07:00This is such an incredible story. I'm most cap...This is such an incredible story. I'm most captivated by how much you have helped yourself. The strength required to do that is immense. You're giving me hope :o) Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03828440573673170480noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7685979597473858413.post-61518832522117933022012-10-19T01:06:57.005-06:002012-10-19T01:06:57.005-06:00"...proving that you had 'what it takes&#..."...proving that you had 'what it takes' to make a go of it in the souless, rapacious world of academia or some other competitive white-collar job." Well said, my friend! Suffering now to earn the right to both suffer more and inflict further suffering on others - NO THANKS!<br /><br />You know, when the semester was over we had the choice of either adopting our rats or letting them go to the biology department (to be dissected, of course.) Oh, how I wanted to save that poor little creature, but I was an RA (resident advisor) - responsible for enforcing campus rules like no pets in the dorms, and I would have lost my job for sure.<br /><br />I cried, and cried and cried over the fate of that poor little guy. It still makes me cry just thinking about it.<br /><br />Anyhow, thanks so much for your comment.EcoCatLadyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15704811319510740473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7685979597473858413.post-29456761715882333762012-10-18T18:33:21.809-06:002012-10-18T18:33:21.809-06:00Although it wasn't the main point of the post,...Although it wasn't the main point of the post, here's a question for you:<br /><br />What do you think you were REALLY learning in that rat-torture psych lab?<br /><br />Valuable insight into how to condition starving animals? No, not really - you already knew that information, or could have easily read it in a book. It's not particuarly useful information, is it?<br /><br />What you were really supposed to learn was how to justify doing something morally wrong (torturing animals for no purpose now, or something else evil later) for some abstract reward (grades now, money down the line), while proving that you had "what it takes" to make a go of it in the souless, rapacious world of academia or some other competitive white-collar job.<br /><br />Congratulations on your failure. <br /><br />Oh, and by the way - your mother sounds about as loving and supportive as mine. By which I mean, not at all.EMnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7685979597473858413.post-33554813242338994922012-07-21T22:30:22.155-06:002012-07-21T22:30:22.155-06:00I meant to say "foisted upon us" althoug...I meant to say "foisted upon us" although "hoisted upon us" an interesting visual... :-)EcoCatLadyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15704811319510740473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7685979597473858413.post-1995803958586840192012-07-21T22:29:14.305-06:002012-07-21T22:29:14.305-06:00"Not going out sober" - now there's ..."Not going out sober" - now there's the spirit! You know, with the weather we're having here, I'd say it's much more likely that one could do oneself in via heatstroke than exposure.<br /><br />In a funny way I am so grateful for this experience. Learning that it was OK to simply reject all of the forces that were telling me that I wasn't good enough really allowed me to reject a whole host of other ridiculousness that is constantly hoisted upon us.<br /><br />I've never actually been to England. Maybe I'll make it there someday...<br /><br />p.s. Sorry it took me so long to respond to this - I fear I've been sorta caught up in the wall to wall TV coverage of the movie massacre. Sigh.EcoCatLadyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15704811319510740473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7685979597473858413.post-89331845068555301662012-07-21T01:02:49.362-06:002012-07-21T01:02:49.362-06:00Hi Cat
How awful to feel so desperate so young. ...Hi Cat<br /><br />How awful to feel so desperate so young. I'm glad you had a happy ending to your suicide attempt and I'm only sorry that you had to work through it alone. It must have made you very much stronger than you were before.<br /><br />I decided years ago that if ever I am in the position of wanting to end my life then exposure would be the way to go. Alcohol-fuelled exposure, I might add. Not going out sober - no. I would also say that I have no intention of ending myself prematurely, because no matter how depressed I get, there's a little mantra that helped me through my first brush with the black dog that I still use. It's so simple, but it really works for me. "It will not always be like this." Those exact words popped into my head one day when I was nearing my lowest, and they had a ring of truth. After all, life *hadn't* always been like this, so it stood to reason that it *wouldn't* always be like this. I am always open to reason. I may laugh in its face on occasion, but I'm always open to it in the first instance.<br /><br />Sure enough, life got better, I got better.<br /><br />I'm really talking about if I get a diagnosis one day that I refuse to endure through. Then it's the whisky bottle, a mix tape, a damp (but alluring) nightie, and the back garden for me.<br /><br />That's the theory, anyway. Knowing my luck it'll be in the middle of a heatwave. <br /><br />But in the meantime life is good, even when it's not, if that makes sense.<br /><br />Do you ever plan to come to England?Playing Hookyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15115396047958755808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7685979597473858413.post-69705862718129079462012-06-11T00:43:00.626-06:002012-06-11T00:43:00.626-06:00Ha! I wasn't expecting that ending either! I r...Ha! I wasn't expecting that ending either! I remember getting his letter... I had gone with a group of friends to pick up mail and as I was reading it we were all walking along together. I was so dumbfounded by it all that I just stopped short with my jaw hanging on the ground. By the time I came back to my senses my friends were all the way on the other side of the campus!EcoCatLadyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15704811319510740473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7685979597473858413.post-14149728742762584772012-06-10T05:28:46.051-06:002012-06-10T05:28:46.051-06:00Fantastic! Even the bad and sad bits. With an en...Fantastic! Even the bad and sad bits. With an ending I wasn't expecting what a rollercoaster ride of a post it was magnificent!<br /><br />I'm loving this series I'm glad I'm only 2 in.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7685979597473858413.post-64495726534336042532011-11-23T19:46:06.359-07:002011-11-23T19:46:06.359-07:00Duck - Liberation is an amazing feeling isn't ...Duck - Liberation is an amazing feeling isn't it? Too bad it takes getting so low to realize it.<br /><br />And no... not Cornell, but close... Colgate. We stole the midnight scream from them at finals, but alas, no gorge to heave oneself from... at least not one capable of doing much real damage. :)<br /><br />And to everybody else who has commented and to whom I never responded... thanks so much for your thoughts... I'm sure you'll never get back here to read this, but thanks anyhow... and Steph... I have no earthly idea who J Poullard is, so no, not him... JP is just a very nice fellow living in happy obscurity somewhere in Greenwich Village.EcoCatLadyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15704811319510740473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7685979597473858413.post-72354654809186967672011-11-23T13:16:57.280-07:002011-11-23T13:16:57.280-07:00Hi there again. I just read this:
It suddenly da...Hi there again. I just read this:<br /><br /><i>It suddenly dawned on me that if my life was making me so utterly miserable that offing myself truly seemed like a viable alternative, laughable though my attempt may have been, then I had absolutely nothing to lose.</i><br /><br />and though:<br /><br /><b>HOLY CRAP I HAD THIS SAME EPIPHANY ONCE!</b><br /><br />only not over the same issues. Doesn't matter - same moment of liberation.<br /><br />I started reading this and thought "this sounds like Cornell," but then none of your death-options included flinging yourself into a gorge.<br /><br />I'm on my way to read more.The Good Luck Duckhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08448071993000984393noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7685979597473858413.post-40049730662816823492011-08-18T16:21:40.341-06:002011-08-18T16:21:40.341-06:00I love your outlook through this story. Thanks for...I love your outlook through this story. Thanks for sharing it.Maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16576182360963956966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7685979597473858413.post-65023794075982902312011-08-12T23:59:09.418-06:002011-08-12T23:59:09.418-06:00ECL,
We share much. But I think you sound pretty...ECL, <br /><br />We share much. But I think you sound pretty brave, and I admire it. <br /><br />Hey JP wouldn't happen to be J Poullard would it?Steph Corkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08500221918047015376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7685979597473858413.post-91032103057957121812011-07-28T21:43:34.841-06:002011-07-28T21:43:34.841-06:00Hey ECL, your experience was indeed a gift (and on...Hey ECL, your experience was indeed a gift (and one that you are bravely sharing so that others may benefit). Thank you for the good advice on letting go of 'the truth'... Re-reading my post now, I am not sure why I used that term. 'Truth' (like reality) is relative. All you have if your own experience... One more thing, I have come to equate being 'uncomfortable' with being authentic... And living authentically is important to me.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05827718321802434964noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7685979597473858413.post-5618450876165857022011-07-26T21:54:54.344-06:002011-07-26T21:54:54.344-06:00Those poor lab rats. And what's worse, once we...Those poor lab rats. And what's worse, once we got done torturing them, they were sent over to the biology department to have god knows what done to them. I still feel guilty about it.<br /><br />In many ways I consider myself fortunate to have reached such a low point (and to have come out of it). It's not like everything has been all sunshine and flowers since, but the perspective certainly helps. I sort of chalk it up to my inability to tolerate what most people can. I think most people just "grin and bear it" and as a result they get mired in depression that they can't quite understand or escape from. So I feel lucky to have a fairly low BS tolerance level. <br /><br />I think the very fact that you're able to acknowledge your struggles with depression means that you're not gonna screw up your son. The real damage is done by pretending that everything is OK when it's not. My advice is to not spend too much time dwelling on "the truth" because it easily becomes a mirage. Just focus on feeling what you really feel, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. When the universe sends you popsicles... OK there was something witty or profound in that thought, but clearly it escaped me...EcoCatLadyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15704811319510740473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7685979597473858413.post-39065235080500329022011-07-26T12:19:19.034-06:002011-07-26T12:19:19.034-06:00Oh man. You and I are so alike. (And have a lot ...Oh man. You and I are so alike. (And have a lot in common with some of your readers too by the sounds of it!) My first university degree went almost exactly like yours did... and guess what, I also ended up in Psychology having the same 'freak out' moment re. lab rats! Soooo, I did what you did, picked the fastest point of exit. Goodbye med school dream (however that was my parents dream for me, not mine... took me a long time to sort that out)...<br /><br />I didn't have such a profound 'popsicle' moment as you, although in some ways I wish that I'd had. I have had, instead, a plethora of 'mini-popsicle' moments... and basically suffereed from bouts of mild depression for the past 15 years. It all came to a head when I had my son and it launched me into a MAJOR depression (they called it post-partum, I call it inevitable!) So, now I am trying to sort it all out and AND parent a son (without screwing it up!) A lot of pressure. HOWEVER, as you konw, I am having mini-epiphanies along the way bringing me closer and closer to 'the truth'... <br /><br />Thanks for sharing. As you know, I think that you are RAD and glad that you didn't freeze to death on that fateful night...Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05827718321802434964noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7685979597473858413.post-66933241647990215642011-07-20T01:29:23.523-06:002011-07-20T01:29:23.523-06:00Wow! Berklee is legendary in my circles. Sounds li...Wow! Berklee is legendary in my circles. Sounds like a great decision to me! Did you end up working in the music industry?EcoCatLadyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15704811319510740473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7685979597473858413.post-36982517018736140442011-07-19T15:02:57.796-06:002011-07-19T15:02:57.796-06:00I loved this story because it mirrors the experien...I loved this story because it mirrors the experiences of so many young people trying to find and define themselves in our society. We try so hard to be what others tell us we should be that we are blinded to we really are. <br /><br />I never reached the depths of despair that you experienced but I certainly had my "fuck it all" moment in college which led to my transferring from Penn State to Berklee College of Music. One of the best decisions I've made.mediaOrganichttp://media-organic.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7685979597473858413.post-37367579158071770432011-07-11T15:19:22.830-06:002011-07-11T15:19:22.830-06:00Hi JNU - Thanks so much for your support. :)Hi JNU - Thanks so much for your support. :)EcoCatLadyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15704811319510740473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7685979597473858413.post-29849237693351904332011-07-09T10:44:27.794-06:002011-07-09T10:44:27.794-06:00Thanks for this brilliant post. I think many of us...Thanks for this brilliant post. I think many of us have been there but rarely mention it..J.N. Urbanskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15559313396686836048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7685979597473858413.post-25660457600596450102011-07-05T13:37:18.530-06:002011-07-05T13:37:18.530-06:00Christine - I'm so glad you appreciate my twis...Christine - I'm so glad you appreciate my twisted sense of humor. I often refer to that night as my "nervous hoedown" - like a nervous breakdown, only smaller and with comic overtones. Law school sounds a bit like hell on earth to me. I'm glad you escaped!<br /><br />Melissa - I'm always amazed when I learn how many other people had some horrible times in college too. Back then I often felt like something was wrong with me because everybody else seemed to be having a great big party while I was totally miserable. Over the years I've come to realize that much of the partying etc that I observed back then was really not an expression of happiness at all... it was just how lots of people dealt with their own misery.EcoCatLadyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15704811319510740473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7685979597473858413.post-74905172612395044452011-07-05T12:35:13.608-06:002011-07-05T12:35:13.608-06:00Thanks for having the courage to share your story ...Thanks for having the courage to share your story with the world. I, too, definitely had some "dark thoughts" times in college -- what pressure we put ourselves under!<br /><br />I look forward to reading the rest of the stories in your journey to escaping the rat race. I agree that we all need to find our own path, but learning from the experience of others can be helpful.Melissa @ HerGreenLifehttp://hergreenlife.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7685979597473858413.post-19707797295600529572011-07-05T10:05:01.313-06:002011-07-05T10:05:01.313-06:00I'm sorry to say this out loud but this is the...I'm sorry to say this out loud but this is the funniest post on suicide I have ever read. Isn't it great when you can look back on dark times with a sense of humour.<br />I, too, had a human popsicle moment. It was in law school when I learned that despite hours and hours of neurotic studying, I bombed my Criminal Law exam. Fortunately, when I called my mother she said the sweetest (and most uncharacteristic) four words I've ever heard her say: "Who gives a shit!?"<br />I dropped out after first year and am the envy of every lawyer I meet.<br />So so so glad, you're still with us!Christine@100things100dayshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11953484713771698921noreply@blogger.com