Sunday, August 25, 2013

Self Care is Not Selfish

OK... this is one of those posts that I'm writing because I figure maybe if I repeat it often enough it will sink into this thick skull of mine.


I haven't been taking terribly good care of myself lately. I fear the stress and uncertainty of having two sick kitties has been getting to me. Well, that plus a whole host of other stupid stuff...

Unfortunately, my response to stress isn't the healthiest. I tend to throw myself headlong into "fix everything" mode, which actually doesn't work too well when the situation you are trying to fix is completely out of your control.


But alas, this is a coping mechanism that I picked up very early in my childhood when my family fell apart at age 5 and the only person available to take care of me was, well... me. I guess somehow I decided that since nobody else was willing to take on any responsibility, it was all up to me.

Not surprisingly though, it's pretty hard for a 5 year old to fix the sort of things that needed fixing in my family. It did give me an illusion of control though, and it would appear that I instinctively head that direction whenever life throws me a few curveballs.


Of course, it never works. I exhaust myself trying to remedy situations that are really irremediable. Then I get angry... both angry that I'm in the situation in the first place and angry that I'm working myself to the bone trying to fix it.

Then I decide that since life has treated me so unfairly, I need to "treat myself" to something. This generally means that I start eating junk, staying up late, and drinking a few too many margaritas.


This of course makes me feel even more exhausted and overwhelmed, not to mention the headaches.... it's a vicious cycle!


So, I'm on a mission to take better care of myself... even if that means doing a bit less in the "fixing everything" department. And, in truth, the vast majority of my "fixing" is pure illusion anyway.

This means that I'm going to bed earlier. No more staying up until all hours just so I don't have to disturb a kitty to give him his medication. They're getting their meds when it's time for their meds, even if it means I have to wake them up to do it.


I've also decided that it's OK to allow myself to order most of my kitty necessities online instead of driving all over town each week to get what they need. I know that it's probably a bit less "eco friendly" and I'm not supporting the local business that I otherwise would be, but it's actually cheaper for me, and the sanity factor is HUGE. I even allowed myself to have the pharmacy deliver Sputnik's medication for $5 instead of driving across town to pick it up.


And I'm letting myself buy salad greens instead of trying to salvage the bug infested stuff from my garden. Maybe next year I'll find a way to keep the leaf miners off of my greens, but until then, I'm making it easier for myself to eat better.


And, last but not least, I've decided that I need to spend a bit less time cruising the blogosphere. It's not that I don't love all of my blogging buddies, but it gets to the point where it's just not healthy. Especially when I feel compelled to leave a comment on every post I read, just to "be supportive" even when I really don't have anything to say. But rest assured, I'm still out there even if I'm not leaving lengthy comments on all of your posts anymore.


So far, so good. I feel a LOT less stressed, angry and overwhelmed. And the truth is that I'm really not much good to my kitties or anyone else when I feel so crappy.

So here's to securing your own oxygen mask before you try to help anyone else.


So how about you? Do any of you ever feel like you need a reminder that putting yourself first now and then really is OK?



37 comments :

  1. Balance is hard to achieve, isn't it? I think we all overdo it from time to time. Well, not me, but all you other lesser beings. ;)

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    1. Oh, so you're the one! :-)

      Speaking of balance, perhaps more yoga would help too.

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    2. Whenever I do yoga consistently, I think 'why don't I do this more'...will I ever learn now much better I feel with regular yoga?!

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    3. I am sooooo with you on this one. I just have to carve out about 30 uninterrupted minutes each day. It always makes me feel so much better.

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  2. You and I face some of the same insecurities for sure! Towards the end of my cat's life, I moved over to canned food (Evo). Not just for health purposes, but because it was easier. He did fine with it. They pick up on our stress too. Your new routine will probably help them too! Cat's are the ultimate "chill out" species....

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    1. Things are just crazy in the cat food department right now. There is one kind of food that Smoky will eat... ONE! And of course it's really hard to find and only comes in 2.8 Oz cans, for a dollar a piece, and he needs 3-4 cans per day! Hello Amazon!

      Since food allergies are one of the possibilities for what's wrong with him, and he seems to be improving, I'm hesitant to try to force him to eat something different, though. The food is very appropriately named "Fussie Cat!" oh my...

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  3. I am very happy for you that you were able to pull back and decide what you need to do for yourself (and everyone else) and actually start doing it. All of the things you think you "should" do are actually luxuries that you can do when most everything else is in place.

    Take a few more deep breaths and give your cats their medicine. I know that I need to do that when I give my kitties medicine. My goal today has been to trim all of their claws. So far 5 1/2 paws done and only 10 1/2 more to go. However, they've caught on and are scattering when they see me. :)

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    1. That is quite the ambitious goal, back paws and all!

      Fortunately Smoky is a cinch to pill. He'll literally let me stick my finger right down his throat! Which is fortunate since he's getting 4 pills a day. Spotty, on the other hand.... well, one out of two isn't bad.

      I Love the idea that my "should" are luxuries. Sorta turns the whole equation on it's head in a very refreshing way.

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    2. Ha! The autocorrect on my tablet apparently decided to rename "Sputty" to "Spotty". Given his urinary habits these days, it's not a wholly inappropriate name!

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  4. This is a BIG reason I quit blogging and now only follow a very few blogs. I'm still on the fence with FB. It can be *so* helpful, but I often get caught up in jealousy and BS. I got off for like 2 days, and my MIL frantically called about it (i.e. WHERE ARE MY GRANDBABIES" PICTURES?!?!). I totally understand too about having to give up for a time in some areas. I try to martyr myself unknowingly for "the greater good", but I'm trying to ask for more help, say no when needed, and but some things I'd like to do on the back burner. Hugs to you, and I'm glad you are taking care of yourself!

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    1. Oh, I have racked up quite a few martyr points in my day... I still haven't found a way to cash them in though. :-)

      And I cancelled my FB account once it became a way for my crazy family to stalk me. I thought about trying to unfriend them, but decided that would just cause deeper problems. It's actually been a huge relief to let go of the whole thing.

      BTW, I'm honored that you consider my little corner of the interwebs still worth visiting.

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  5. Totally agree. I had a boss who used to say "perfect is the enemy of good," and I have to remind myself of that whenever extra stressful events pop up. Sometimes you have to go to triage mode, stick to the essentials, and let the rest go. Good for you for figuring out what you need and doing that.

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    1. Triage mode... I love it. I think perhaps I should banish the word "perfect" from my vocabulary, or at least from my psyche!

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  6. You reminded me of a friend who has a line item in her budget for stress relief. Sometimes it's massages. One semester it was a parking pass. At times like this it could be deliveries.

    My main trouble is when I don't want to go to bed at a decent time because I haven't had enough fun yet. My best compromise is to tell myself I can go to bed and read. And when I really do need the sleep, I actually do put the book down pretty quickly because it feels so good to let go and fall asleep.

    Good luck to you!

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    1. OK, I'm laughing out loud because I really should be in bed right now, but I spent the evening cleaning the laundry room because the repair guy is coming tomorrow, so now I'm feeling resentful that I didn't get to relax enough. Hence, I'm, ahem, not in bed yet! Reading in bed sounds like an excellent compromise idea!

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    2. Hope you got some sleep! (For some reason I slept 12 hours last night!!)

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    3. I did get some sleep and it was wonderful! Of course I had troubling dreams about trying to run across the interstate and being on a bridge that collapsed and dumped me into a raging river, but that's sorta par for the course when I'm stressing!

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    4. Yea, but then you get to wake up and not be at risk of drowning or even wet--and your bridges all still work.

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    5. True, and it did sorta encourage me to get up rather than going back to sleep, 'cause really, who wants more of that? :-)

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  7. I laughed at the 'vicious cycle' and also at the leaving comments on posts even when you have nothing to say..I find myself getting to the end of a post and thinking 'what can I say about this?' amd reminding myself that it is ok to write nothing...I probably need to be less obsessive about checking to see if there are any updates in the blog reader thingy...

    I hope you are feeling better on more sleep- I am rubbish if my sleep is interrupted or I don't get enough of it-t makes me very grumpy and useless!

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    1. Oh, I'm a "sleep monger" if ever there was one. In fact, I think I'm gonna head to bed right now!

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  8. Good on you for reducing your stress - it sounds like you have enough to worry about at the moment. I agree with minhus - the perfect is the enemy of the good, something that I have to keep reminding myself when life gets busy.

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    1. Perhaps I should tattoo that one to my forehead! :-)

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  9. I am in de-stress mode also. Its very hard, and having been there many times with sick cats, and now elder dementia parents, you have to draw the line, and place the binders on and just say no, and mean it.
    I have been drinking more fluids also, and drinking something that has electrolytes in it, as I was getting very dehydrated and it was flaring up migraines.
    Blog land will be there when you get there, and anyone who reads your blog should and will understand if they are compassionate and understanding, if not then they can take a long walk off of a short pier.
    Hugs to you and continue your healing path. Blessing upon the kitties for their health issues and yours.

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    1. Fluids! It works for cats...

      Thanks so much for your support. I think that compared to the stuff you've been dealing with, my life is pretty much a walk in the park. I hope you're hanging in there. -xoxoxo

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  10. love love love this post. The idea of "self care" sounded cheezy and honestly selfish when I first heard it. But we're no good to anyone else when we're miserable ourselves. Glad you're letting go of the "green guilt." But what really caught my eye was the paragraph about going to sleep at decent hours -- I never thought of that as taking care of one's self! Ah, the college student in me lives still. But you're completely right about that one. Must try it myself.

    Hope the kittehs are doing better :o)

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    1. Sleep! I always picture captain Pickard when he's been partially "Borged" grabbing Data's arm and saying "Sleep!" Seriously, if I don't get to spend at least 8 hours regenerating in Unimatrix Zero, I'm a complete mess the next day!

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    2. Now all I can think of is Crusher saying, oh, he must be exhausted! lol between the ED, allergies, parents, and Star Trek, I think we were separated at birth.

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    3. Ha! I knew you'd get it! Allergic Trekkies with eating disorders and crazy parents UNITE!!!

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  11. So glad to see you back. I check several times a week to see if you have a new post. You're absolutely right, you can't take care of your kitties (which we all know is the purpose of our being here, to take care of kitties) if you don't take care of yourself. Don't worry about the deliveries -- it's called sanity. :)

    jesinalbuquerque

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    1. Awwww... I'm honored that you would check my little corner of the interwebs so frequently. I'm thinking maybe I'll try shorter more frequent posts. I fear brevity is not my strong suit, but perhaps I should try to cultivate it.

      And you're absolutely correct, our entire purpose in life is to serve our feline masters! :-)

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  12. I share your coping mechanisms. I stayed up to 2am the other day trying to solve the unsolvable problem and stressing about it the whole time! Since I am 'doing something' I am in control of it, right? Ya, not. I wish I was the person who de-stressed by jogging miles :)

    Have you tried pill pockets? My cats love them and it takes so much stress out of their lives when they think they are getting a treat rather than a pill shoved in their throat. As helps with the problem of dry swallowing. I have an easy to pill cat, but still use the pockets. I've also had another cat that would just know that it had a pill in it and eat the outside only! However, making it into a competition between them so the one getting the pill gobbles it up and the others just get the treat works. All my best.

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    1. Hi Lisa,

      Well, pill pockets worked great for Sputnik for the first 3-4 months, but he's caught on now. Fortunately he only needs one pill per day, the rest of his meds/supplements get mixed into a little "slurry" with catfood and I squirt it into his mouth with a syringe. I used to be able to mix that sort of thing into his food, but alas, no more. It's OK though... at least this way I know he's actually getting the right amounts of everything and I don't have to worry about the other cats getting it accidentally.

      Smoky (AKA Mr. Picky Pants) wouldn't go near a pill pocket with a 10 foot pole! But, he's really easy to pill.

      Actually, the thing that has helped the most is gelatin capsules. I generally put the pill into a gelcap and then take a tiny bit of a pill pocket and stick it to the outside so it will both taste good and stick to my finger making it easier to get it into their mouths. The pills seem to go down much easier that way, and you don't have to worry about any bitter taste.

      But this morning, I had Smoky's supplements all ready to go with a bit of pill pocket on them, I turned away for a minute and Jasper gobbled them down. Fortunately it was just an Omega 3 and acidophilus supplement, but I've gotta be careful with him because he LOVES pill pockets and actually got one of Sputty's meds once! Fortunately it was no big deal but today was a good reminder that have to be really careful!

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  13. Hi there, Eco Cat Lady. I can empathize with this post, as I also have some difficulty dealing with the limits of my control. I personally find that when I'm trying to deal with a lot of difficult (or impossible) issues, I remind myself that it's about progress, not perfection.

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    1. So true... perhaps you were channeling my next post? :-)

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  14. Often it is necessary to put oneself first, so that one has what it takes to help others.

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