Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Dealing with the Ever Changing "Normal"

I often hear people talking about the "new normal." And while I certainly understand the concept, the older I get the more I feel like "normal" is a fleeting state at best.


I'm sure some if this is because my cat is sick, and I can't know what to expect from moment to moment, but I can't help but feel that the only constant in my life these days seems to be change.


I've never been very good at routine - I think partially because I chafe against the idea of being locked into any particular schedule or system. But it also seems true that as soon as I manage to establish some sort of system for doing things, something will change and the entire thing goes off kilter.


And it's not just the big stuff like people or pets dying... I find this to be true with virtually all aspects of my life. I'll finally come to a place where the kitchen is clean and uncluttered, and then the seasons will change and I'll go from salads to soups, and suddenly my system doesn't work anymore.


Or I finally get my closet and drawers arranged so that everything has a home, and then I buy a road bike and suddenly need a place for all sorts of cycling clothes, and I'm back to having piles of homeless clothes everywhere because there's no room.


Or I try to establish a regular schedule, but then the cat has an "issue" in the middle of the night and I'm up all night taking care of him and everything is thrown off for days to come.


Somehow, I always feel like this is evidence of some sort of failure on my part. Why can't I just find a system that works and stick to it? But really... should I blame myself because the seasons change, or my life evolves in one way or another? Perhaps I simply have unrealistic expectations in regards to the longevity of my organizing and scheduling schemes.


Part of me feels like I should be making some sort of New Year's resolution to make better systems, or do a better job forcing myself to stick with a routine, but honestly it seems like a pointless endeavor.


Instead, I think that my goal for the year will be to try to accept the fact that life is fleeting and nothing will ever stay the same - and to recognize that this is really a good thing.


I mean, if everything was static, and each day was the same as the last, then what would the point be?


So how do you organized types deal with the inevitability of change? Do you just buckle down and stick to your guns, or do you create new systems all the time? I can't be the only person who struggles with this sort of thing. Seriously, I'd really love to hear how y'all manage this one.




25 comments :

  1. I can so relate to this! I have given up trying to establish a schedule, but I still live in hope of having enough storage for all my junk and somewhere for "current projects." I'm not sure it'll ever happen, though.

    I generally go for the mess and disorder option, and it only gets me down occasionally. Then I make an effort to impose order, feel good about it for a while, then it slides back into disorder. I think this is OK.

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    1. Ahhh, the mess to order and back again syndrome - I know it well! Perhaps my problem is simply the judgement I impose upon my disorder!

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  2. I sure know what you mean. I do so well being neat and orderly for a while then something messes me up.

    Hoping Sputnik is doing well. Been there, done that and I know how hard it is to deal with a sick kitty....especially a sick favorite kitty.

    Love your kitty photos!

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    1. Glad to know I'm not the only one who struggles with this. Thanks so much for your thoughts on Sputnik. He's generally doing well, though we're in the process of switching meds right now so it's a bit stressful, but hopefully we'll get it ironed out soon!

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  3. You have good questions that in the long run are just normal, everyday life that we all have to deal with.

    On a less serious note, the picture of the cat with its head in the glass reminds me of two cats I used to have, Samantha and Teddy. Samantha was very smart and Teddy wasn't. If we left a little water in a glass, Samantha would tip it over with her paw and drink the water that spilled out. Poor Teddy never figured that out. She always tried to drink from the top and looked much like the cat in the picture.

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    1. You mean I'm not unique in my chaos dysfunction? :-)

      Poor Teddy... I bet it was pretty cute though! One of my cats, Jasper, LOVES to drink from glasses. Fortunately he's got a tiny little head and we have fairly wide glasses so he can usually get his head down there to drink. I hope none of them ever learn the "tip the glass over" technique though, because I could see that getting pretty messy pretty quickly!

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    2. Nope, chaos dysfunction is PERFECTLY normal around here! My cat loves to drink from glasses too - in fact she refuses to use a bowl or saucer, and has her own pint pot of water set out daily - if the glass is narrow or the liquid low she puts her paw into it and scoops some up, very cute! She likes all sorts of things... about the only thing she won't drink is water with a splash of lime cordial added.

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    3. Cats and their crazy drinking behaviors! One of mine likes to sit on the edge of the tub when I'm taking a bath. He'll dip a paw in and then suck the water out from between his little toes. Of course once he almost decided it would be a good idea to jump to the "island" in the middle of the tub (aka my naked body.) Luckily I managed to convince him this would be a bad idea. I had terrible visions of a panicking cat with outstretched claws flailing madly to get away from the water, and me there with lots of tender skin to get eviscerated! Whew!

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  4. I think I accept chaos well. My house will never be picture perfect for more than 3 minutes, and I'm fine with that. It's a sign that life is happening right here at home.

    My calendar will never be free of conflicting appointments or meetings. And again, I am fine with that. It means that I have a busy and full life.

    We will never all be well, mentally, spiritually or physically, all at the same time. And to me that says, that we've each been given opportunities to stretch ourselves to become even more compassionate human beings, who will give to one another as we find need.

    I like personal growth. And I find I don't grow much when life is humming along smoothly.

    When my newest system for managing things gets shot right out the window, I just come up with another system that meets our current needs better. And that seems to work for me.

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    1. What a beautiful way to look at it. It's evidence of life and growth, not evidence of failure and inadequacy! I like it... I like it a LOT!

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  5. I gave up on schedules and organizational schemes, they will never work for me. I can have my home looking just like I want it, then the little ones come over and it's starting from scratch again. Of course then I adopt projects that take up space. I've lived here for just over a year and a half and it's been transformed several times as I find better ways of doing things here. As for schedules, forget it! I wake when I do and take what comes. BTW, I love the ikea cat bed! I've seen plenty of "hacks" but this has to be one of the best:-)

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    1. I love the idea of just transforming the space or schedule as life dictates. I think that's an excellent approach.

      I'm starting to feel like I'd better be careful here or I'm gonna need one of those crazy lady cat organizers to have room for them all! :-)

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  6. Who says you have to have a system or a routine to live a happy life? Are you trying to live by standards that you think others expect of you?

    It's YOUR life and YOUR house. What is wrong with living your life in a way that YOU are happy with?

    I used to make myself miserable trying to be what I thought others expected me to be - in other words, normal. But what is normal? I don't think there is such a thing.

    I finally got tired of trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be and now I do what pleases ME.

    So what if I don't vacuum my house every weekend? So what if I let the mail pile up on my kitchen table for a week before I go through it? So what if I don't make my bed? It's my life and my house and if cat hair on the carpet doesn't bother me, then so be it.

    Life is fluid, not rigid, so why should we try to change that?

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    1. Such excellent points! I've always had a complex about being "messy." I think this dates back to my childhood and my mother who was a borderline hoarder. We could never have company over because the house was always a total disaster, and I always felt like it was a visual representation of the dysfunction in our family. So if I could somehow find a way to be "neat" then it would mean that I had overcome the family craziness and earned some sort of stamp of approval or "normal" status, or something.

      Of course, this is all totally ridiculous, and you are absolutely right that there's nobody but myself to please in this equation.

      Thanks for the reality check! :-)

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    2. I used to have a neighbour whose house was so messy that he'd never let anyone into his house (there was at least one room you couldn't even get into). I decided that I never wanted to be like - guests must always be welcome in my house. This meant either keeping it tidy or getting over my embarrassment about the mess. I chose the latter!

      That said, I do clean up a bit when we're expecting company (mainly for practical purposes - if we're sitting round the table to eat, we'd better have enough of the table clear to put all the plates on), but if folks turn up unannounced they can take us as they find us.

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    3. I think you made and excellent choice! I seldom have guests over, but oddly I always feel compelled to clean before a maintenance guy comes over or something like that. Seriously, I had an energy audit done a while back and the day before I was up all night cleaning the mini blinds because I was just sure they'd notice the grime and be disgusted. I think getting over it would be a good plan!

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  7. I don't have a system at home and do everything "as needed." Sometimes that works out at regular intervals (such as doing the laundry once a week) but usually it doesn't. If I have a week when I'm out of the house a lot, the next week I tend to notice "I'm back to normal, now." I never appreciate Normal until it's been disrupted!

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    1. I think the "as needed" approach makes a lot of sense. I guess it even works with sleep & food when you think about it! :-)

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  8. It's such a comfort to read this and know I'm not alone. Having an emergency plumbing repair or something is always a double emergency, in having to immediately sort out and tidy shameful areas that they will see, where stuff gets stacked upon stuff...because something always intrudes when I fully intend to straighten out those messes! It seems hard enough to just keep up with the ever-present Daily Work, and two messy mancats! I guess we are either Organized Folk - or Not!

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    1. Ha! One time I was at a friend's house for a party and was remarking how neat and clean every surface was. My friend tried to comfort me saying that it isn't usually that way, and they just tossed all the junk into a drawer for the party. At which point I thought... hmmm... that would require having a drawer that wasn't full to the brim... Oh well! :-)

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    2. I have a friend in Scandinavia who has a beautiful house - all clean, empty spaces and light and wonderful views. Then she showed me her 'junk room' - it was one giant heap. She said she bribed her kids to help her turn it out once a year! Made me feel so much better...

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    3. It's so comforting to know that even the neat & tidy are human too, isn't it? :-)

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  9. I hate systems. I like things tidy and clean, but I do it my way, whenever I feel like it. I try to find enjoyment in my chores, and forcing myself to do them on schedule is not the way to go. I believe your goal of accepting change is perfect -- not just in the organizational aspect, but everything in life, really.
    (By the way, despite my goal of having no goals, I'm already stressing out about what I was "supposed" to be doing, like exercising or studying more for an upcoming test, instead of enjoying my break. Any advice on shutting the annoying voice up?)

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    1. If I had the key to making the "supposed to" voice shut up I'd be a happy camper indeed. I fear I've got the same voice inside egging me on. CatMan's always quoting something to me that neither he nor I can completely remember, so I'm sure I'll get this wrong. I think it's from the Bible... maybe?

      Behold the lilies of the field. They neither reap nor sow, yet they are perfect in every way.

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  10. Dear Eco Cat Lady,

    thanks so much for those cat photos, I laughed so hard I cried :)

    Madeleine

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