Thursday, February 16, 2012

Numbers Shmumbers

About 10 years ago, I was deep in the throes of a mid-life crisis.


I was turning 35, and for some reason this was a really big deal to me. I walked around in a complete state of mope for several months, just sure that the good times were all past and I had nothing to look forward to except gray hair, cellulite and inevitable decline.


So the night before my birthday, I was working late... as I did pretty much every day back in "those days." It seemed unfair somehow that I should spend the last day of my youth chained to a desk dealing with paperwork, but there I was. Anyhow, I had to fill out some insurance forms and they asked for both the day's date and my date of birth. Somehow, seeing the two numbers there next to each other something didn't look right.


Now, I'm not really what you might call a "numbers person." For some reason, numbers and math just don't seem to stick too well in my slippery little brain, but I always thought that when you subtract two odd numbers, you should get an even number. So how could it be, that the current year and my birth year were both odd numbers, yet I KNEW I was turning 35. I started to feel like perhaps I was caught in some Twilight Zone reality, or a temporal distortion of sorts.


Finally, fearing that I had really lost my grip on reality, I grabbed an adding machine and actually did the math. And it turned out, that I wasn't turning 35 after all! Yes folks, in my zeal to find crisis at every turn, I had somehow gotten a year ahead of myself, and, in truth, I was only turning 34!


Oh my...


Soooooo..... flash forward to last week. I was lying in bed trying to recall if I had remembered to take my birth control pill or not. I try to make it part of my nighttime routine, but since "routine" isn't exactly my strong suit, I have been known to forget it on occasion.


Too lazy to get up and actually check, I lay there trying to visualize the package. I clearly remembered seeing that all the pills had been taken through Thursday. But this didn't really help, because I couldn't actually remember what day of the week it was!


So then, I figured I'd go at it from the numbers point of view. I knew that Valentine's day was the 14th and it was on Tuesday, so I'd just count backwards from there. Now, I remembered seeing that it was the 10th so... 14 Tuesday, 13 Monday, 12.... Wait a minute, I thought. that can't be right! It can't be the 10th already because that would mean that my birthday had already passed. 




But I clearly remembered seeing blog posts that were dated the 10th, so it had to be right. But how could that be? How could I have forgotten my own birthday? And not only that, nobody else had remembered my birthday either! Seriously? Did my entire family actually forget my birthday? And what about CatMan... he NEVER forgets!


So, I was lying there trying to decide whether I should be offended by this or not. I mean, after all, how upset could I really be when I myself had forgotten? But seriously, I started to feel a bit like the girl in 16 Candles.


Then, just about the time I had decided that it didn't really matter and I wasn't upset about everybody forgetting my birthday, it hit me...


Oh wait... my birthday's not until March.

Oh. My. God.


Perhaps this is the sort of thing I was fearing back in my mid-life crisis 10 years ago. You know, the "inevitable decline" part?


I mean, heaven help me if I ever get hit on the head and some doctor tries to give me one of those little quizzes to see if I'm lucid or not. "No, really... you don't understand... I'm like this all the time!"


Anyhow, at that point I decided to drag my sorry ass out of bed and check the calendar and the birth control pills for real because, honestly, some of us simply should not reproduce.


Guess it just goes to show... you're only as old as you think you are... or something like that.


OK, so on that note, I'll leave you with a song by the incomparable Chuck Pyle. Even if this isn't your style of music you should listen... he's hilarious!

The Remember Song, By Chuck Pyle

30 comments :

  1. Too funny! I get like this too; I blame it on perimenopause, LOL. (I blame a LOT of perimeno)

    As always, love the embedded photos :)

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    1. Oh, I would LOVE to blame it on Perry Mason-o-Pause... but I fear I've been this way my whole life. :~)

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  2. I laughed so hard at this post! Congratulations, I think this is the best thing I've ever read on the internet :)

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    1. Oh dear... perhaps you need a better selection of internet reading! But I'm glad that my feeble mental capacities at least serve some purpose in this world, if only to make people chuckle. :)

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  3. I came here to say something, but it seems pointless now. I'd better just wish you a happy birthday.

    Roxanne
    The Good Luck Duck

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    1. Pointless indeed... sort of like yelling into a dark void. Thanks for the birthday wishes... it's not for a few weeks... I think... :~)

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  4. Remember when you were a kid and people would ask you how old you are and you could just rattle it off rapid-fire: "6! 8 and three quarters!" Now I need to think about this shit.

    Sometimes I turn into a space case and get worried that my forgetfulness is a sign of early onset Alzheimer's or something. In reality I think it just comes from being on overload all the time and having too much sensory stuff trying to go into the old noggin.

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    1. Well... I figure in the broad scheme of things, how old I am is just not important enough to waste any time or energy remembering! :~)

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  5. I've had my suspicions, but now I know for sure you are my long lost sister and we were separated at birth - give or take 10 years. Have a happy birthday! I'm saying it now because it may not happen in a timely manner otherwise.

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    1. Ha! Well, since I clearly have NO IDEA how old I really am, I'd say it's a definite possibility! Thanks so much for the birthday wishes. I'll try to have a good one, if I can remember to! :~)

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  6. This was a hoot! Had me laughing out loud.

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    1. A friend of mine used to say that he thought I was put on this planet for the sole purpose of amusing him. Well, at least there was some purpose! :~)

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  7. You are a hoot! I tried to paste a picture here, but couldn't get it to work. Boo-hoo.

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    1. I don't think Blogger lets you past pictures in comments. I suppose it's probably a good thing, because otherwise I'd be filling up everybody's comment section with infinite lolcats!

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  8. Ah... after forgetting my birthday when I was 10 (hey...it was summer vacation and I was 10!) I now pay scrupulous attention to when my birthday occurs. My sister has NEVER let me live that one down and I can't give her that chance again.
    Judy

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    1. Wow... forgetting your 10th birthday, now that's impressive! Reminds me of one time when I was a kid, my best friend and I decided to calculate how many days off from school we got for each holiday. We went through all of the major holidays and then got stumped at the 4th of July. We sat there racking our brains trying to figure it out. Took us an inordinate amount of time to realize that it happened in the middle of summer vacation! We then concluded that 4th of July was the best holiday of all because we got 3 whole months off!

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  9. You know that's my fear too, a doctor or a cop trying to get me to remember some key date, and me just forgetting. I rely on my calendar a lot (A LOT!) and so this is one reason I have a terrible internal memory.

    Sad thing is, I turned 31 last month and I forgot my own birthday and remembered in in the middle of the day when I pulled to check the time on my phone and noticed that the date looked a little familiar....

    Sad

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    1. Ha! Well, we can keep each other company in the looney bin when the decide neither one of us is sane!

      And I don't think it's necessarily sad to forget your birthday... just means you're not focused on a superficial think like how old you are. :~)

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  10. Hm... I remembered my 34th birthday this month... but not really until the week of. So does that mean you beat me by thinking about it in February?

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    1. Hmmm... now that you mention it, it does seem that my problem isn't so much forgetting when my birthday is, it's getting ahead of myself. Don't know what that says about me!

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  11. Hey there EcoCatLady!
    I have those mind-mush moments too--not sure what to call it. After-40 brain is what I usually say, sigh.
    So...you had mentioned not being sure about taking your birth control pills. Might I suggest an IUC? You can get it and forget it? Implananon is great too. Gotta love those LARC birth control methods!

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    1. Thanks so much for stopping by!

      I have actually considered other methods of birth control, but I have great fear of the IUD since I know 3 people (yes THREE) who have gotten pregnant while using them. Plus, I have a complicated combination of issues including horrible cramps which one doctor thought could be the early stages of endometriosis, and migraines triggered by fluctuating hormone level - which has scared me off from the patch or other long term hormonal options.

      Anyhow, I guess it's one of those "the devil you know" sorts of issues. As long as I can get myself to bed at a decent hour I usually don't have a problem remembering to take it. Getting to bed on time is a whole other challenge!

      Oh the joy of competing "issues"! :)

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  12. You're hilarious.
    My grandfather was mistaken about the year of his birth (something we didn't realize until he died and we found his birth certificate).

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    1. I can totally see that being me. Sometimes I count myself lucky to remember my name!

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  13. No, I hadn't read about your midlife crisis, but totally get the stoned outlook on life, you do make me laugh Ecocatlady.

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    1. Ha! I had a boyfriend in college who said I was just "naturally stoned" all the time! Perhaps I have never outgrown it!

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  14. I saw this on facebook and thought of you:

    "Soooo it turns out I've just spent the past 2 years thinking I was a year older then I actually am. Thought I turned 28 today, spent the whole year telling everyone I was 27, celebrated my 27th birthday last year ...BUT after some serious working out from ---- -----.turns out I've only just turned 27!! Lol oops - On the plus side I've just got a year younger aaahaha!! Best present ever : p"

    He posted the double facepalm pic, too!

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    1. Ha! Well, I'm heartened to learn that I'm not the only crazy person who's ever been caught in a birthday time warp! Thanks so much for sharing this!

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