We're coming up on the second anniversary of my mother's death, and I find myself trudging through a bunch of emotional mud. I keep thinking that my childhood demons are "dealt with" but alas, it doesn't seem to work that way.
So I'm trying to limit my exposure to anything that pushes my "mother buttons" and tempts me to go off into comparison land rather than focusing on the reality of who my mother was and my relationship with her.
This means that if you tend to write about raising kids, or your relationships/issues with your family, or any of a strange list of random other things that seem to inexplicably remind me of my mother, I'm probably not going to be visiting for a while.
It doesn't mean that I don't want to be supportive, or that I think there's anything wrong with what you're writing or doing. Seriously, a friend on Facebook posted something about how wonderful her mother is, and it sent me into a tailspin for 2 days!
Anyhow, I don't mean to be overly dramatic about any of this...
Just wanted y'all to know that I still love you guys, even if I'm not around as much as I used to be.
Big Hugs...
Good or bad, family relationships are very complicated things. I hope you have someone good to talk to as you continue to sort out yours. I sending positive thoughts your way that you reach some kind of equilibrium in this area soon.
ReplyDeleteAwww... thanks so much. I've got some of the best ears on the planet in my camp. :-)
DeleteI haz a sad for you. Please look after yourself'
ReplyDeleteMarieann
Thanks so much Marieann. Actually, the more time I spend sorting it out, the less sad I feel about it.
DeleteFunny how we think we've "dealt with" or "gotten over" something, but it's still there on some level. I totally relate to an anniversary triggering things. Sending good thoughts your way! Take care of yourself -- bicycle therapy works for me :)
ReplyDeleteYou know... the older I get, the more I am of the opinion that emotional baggage is a bit like housework. You're never really "done" until you're dead! :-)
DeleteSometimes I feel very ashamed because I had a cruddy parental relationship. Worst of all, people refuse to believe it because I seem so "normal." You can survive it and feel like you're completely well adjusted. Then you read, see or experience something and realize that you are different. I feel your pain -- but you are a great gal so remember that is the best revenge!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your kind words. There are many days when I don't actually feel like such a "great gal" but I'm starting to realize that that's OK. At least I had the good sense not to pass it all along to another generation! :-)
DeleteHah......I use the same tactics......I'll just pop myself over here, in the corner and wait till it's all over! It often ends in tears! Take care. xx
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Dawn. I really appreciate the support.
DeleteI completely understand as I have issues that pop up still in my life and catch me off guard. There are even movies I can't watch to this day. Take care of yourself, pamper yourself some too.
ReplyDeleteThanks Lois. I think I have to stop turning on the television! I flipped it on the other day to watch the news and got sucked into some sort of extreme weight loss program... big time mother buttons! I have to keep reminding myself that as much as someone may push my buttons, that person is not my mother, and getting all worked up about their life is never gonna help me resolve anything about mine! Easier said than done sometimes though...
DeleteYou are so wise to not just realize this, but to act accordingly (at least some of the time, no one's perfect and all of that)! Kudos!
ReplyDeleteWhenever I feel COMPELLED to sort other people's stuff out for them, it really is just me avoiding my own problems. Either 1) I don't want to deal with something and so I avoid it or 2) I have tried dealing with whatever it is that's bothering me (often with a lot of effort involved), but I haven't made much progress and really don't know what else to do.
Number 2 is quite common for me, I'm sad to say. I know I've made a lot of progress in many areas, but it's so frustrating when you've mustered up the integrity and discipline to face your stuff, but you just. don't. get. results. That's right, I feel sorry for myself. ;p
Hope you're doing ok, all things considered!
Klem fra Maria :)
Tusen takk Maria, du er veldig søt.
DeleteI always want it to be that I can just grit my teeth and "face" something, and then it will go away - but I'm starting to realize that it doesn't work that way. I think you have to embrace it, live it and be it... still working on that part.
Big hugs to you too! :-)
I feel you and really can relate.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Sam...
DeleteI'm just a reader, and not a blogger but I kind of understand the mother issues. Your relationship with your mother is the most basic, primal relationship of all, and it can be hard to make your way to a happy life if you had a difficult mother and childhood. I don’t think childhood demons ever go away – they are part of what made you. You just learn to accept that it is what it is. The best you can do is to put a lot of good experiences between you and your childhood so that those experiences you make become the bigger and better part of who you are. It seems to me that you’ve done a pretty good job making good experiences and a good life. Treat yourself well during the difficult days when the mother buttons get pushed, and give yourself the care you maybe didn’t get from your mother. Be with people who care about you. Enjoy a beautiful bike ride. Hug your kitties.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Lian. You're completely right, they don't go away... how could they? But maybe that isn't really the goal... at least I'm trying to get to that place. There are times when I feel nothing but gratitude about my childhood because after all, it's what forged me into the person I am now. There are other times though... Well, I suppose life is always a "work in progress".
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