Saturday, May 4, 2013

Clothing Vs. Costumes

Soooo... after my closet clean-out post, I started having a tiny little meltdown. Everybody was telling me how much they liked the various dresses that I had decided to get rid of, and part of me started to think, "Well, maybe I should keep them..."


At that point, I shoved them into my backpack, hopped on my bike and pedaled over to the thrift store to drop them in the donation bin! Seriously folks, I had visions of putting them all back into the closet where they could sit there mocking me for another 6 years or so.


Here's the thing. I really do like each and every one of those dresses - I just don't feel terribly comfortable wearing any of them. As I thought about it, I realized that each one was just too... well, too something for my personality. Too formal, too sexy, too girly, too matronly, too sophisticated, too young, too... well, you get the picture.


I mean, in reality each of those things is one aspect of my personality, but when I'd put those dresses on, I always felt like I was just trying too hard in one sense or another. Like I was trying to be someone other than my current, right-here, right-now self. It felt like I was wearing a costume instead of clothing.



I guess I'm slowly coming to the place in my life where I'm losing the desire to try to remake myself into some grander version of me. I'm not totally there yet... as you'll see by the stuff that I did keep, but I'm slowly evolving in that direction.



Anyhow, here's what I did keep. (Sorry about the photo quality - I had a harder time with it this go-round.)

The Funeral Dress. 
I'm not actually wild about this one, but it was better than the other funeral dress and I figured I'd keep it "just in case" (oh... I can feel myself slipping on that precarious slope...)


The Short Casual Dress. 
I could actually see myself wearing this one to a restaurant or party if the mood was right.


The Purple Sporty One
Sorry about the crazy pose... I was trying to show you the slit in the back, which I really like. Not sure why, but this one just feels soooo much more comfortable than any of the others.


And my very favorite. 
I have no earthly idea where I'd possibly wear this one, but I just LOVE it. I don't know if you can see in the picture, but it's iridescent crushed velvet, and when the light catches it, it shines with all sorts of different colors. I'm not sure what I like so much about it... it's sexy enough without being over the top, sophisticated but still whimsical, fancy but still feels a bit bohemian... I dunno... just feels more "me" than most dresses do. 


And then, of course, we have umm... what's it called? Oh yea... reality! Truth be told, on the rare occasion that I actually do have to "look nice" this is what I generally wear. I have about half a dozen nice blouses and I generally pair one with my favorite black slacks.


Because, when it comes right down to it, I really am just a T-shirt and jeans kind of a girl!

25 comments :

  1. That was very disciplined of you to keep going to the donations bin! I like the dresses you kept and I'm sure they will be enough. You clearly know yourself best because your blouse & pants outfit is the best of all! PS - I got Rom to clear out his closet and dresser today - wonders never cease!

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    1. Actually, I'm pretty sure they'll be MORE than enough! I mean, it's not like I've ever worn any of these ones either. And thanks for the vote of confidence on the slacks outfit...

      Congrats on getting Rom to clear out his closet. Next up for me... the T-shirt drawer! Yikes!

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  2. I hope you feel no more angst about the dresses you gave away. The set you kept is great. You got all the comments about how nice you looked because basically you look good in cloths. Your favorite dress looks like it's a lot of fun to wear.

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    1. Awww... you're so sweet. And the dress certainly fun to play dress-up with. Whether I'll actually ever get the courage to wear it out in public is another question altogether!

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  3. So I think you made the right choices! And also? It's funny you mention being self-conscious about your hips because I personally think you are in phenomenal shape. However, people would ay I'm quite thin, but I too am still SO self-conscious about my hips-butt-upper thigh region.

    I think my very favorite outfit is your last one--it fits you so well and is so figure flattering!

    (As for me, the move has been a little rough, but I think it's actually been really good despite some really, REALLY sucky news. Feel free to email me at my "business email"[ha ha] unstuffedservices[at]gmail.com, and I'll forward it to my personal email to give you all the deets)

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    1. Oh, I've had a complex about my hips since I was 12 years old and my father chided me for developing cellulite. Is it any wonder I developed an eating disorder?

      Sucky news? That doesn't sound good. I'm off to email you to find out the deets!

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  4. You made great choices. You should be prepared for every dress-up occasion (and, like you, I find that a pair of black dress pants really covers most potential situations and they're just so darn comfortable!).

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  5. Oh. In my usual backwards fashion, I read this post first then read your response to me yesterday. Hmm. Shoe recommendations. Right now I am wearing black wedge sandals (I haven't changed from church yet--once a week is the max for me with dressy shoes) with a small (2 inch) heel but because it's a wedge, it's really more of a 1 inch difference between the toe and heel (does that make sense?). I forced myself to spend $10 more on them because I found them sooo much more comfortable than anything else I tried on and the money was worth it. It's a style that would work with any and all of your dresses as well as your black dress pants. The open toe is more comfortable than squeezing into a closed toe shoe. If you are totally opposed to heels, a simple black sandal would work well, too, as long as it's a bit more dressy than your birks (but I love birks, too). A ballet flat would help you span the seasons more with your dresses. See, lots of choices!

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    1. Hmmmm... I'll have to think about this. I have a passionate hatred for most women's shoes, but I think it's at least partly because I have strangely shaped feet. I have EXTREMELY wide toes, very high arches and very narrow heels. It makes most shoes torture. Pretty much the only things that don't hurt are Birks and men's size 9 extra wide tennis shoes with extra arch supports. Oy!

      I've tried ballet flats, but like most women's shoes, I'd need to amputate my little toe and half of my big toe to make them fit, plus they have NO arch support, so after an hour or two my plantar fasciitis acts up and I feel like my heel bone is gonna poke straight through my skin. Sandals work better in terms of the toe situation... but you can't add arch supports to a sandal can you?

      Too bad they don't make "dress birkenstocks"!

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  6. I think briefly they did make dress birkenstocks (I also have plantar fasciitis) but I just checked their website and apparently the idea didn't catch on. I googled "shoes for plantar fasciitis" and orthaheel has some cute dressy flat sandal styles and the price was reasonable (starting at $75 which, compared to birks, is a steal)--actually, zappos.com had more selection. I have a narrow foot, no arch, and after 2 kids my right foot widened by the toes (but my left foot didn't) so buying shoes has become more difficult for me as well. At work (I work in a hospital and am on my feet a lot) I wear a supportive sneaker; at home when the weather is non-snowy I wear my Skechers GoWalk shoes for errands or supportive sandals, and in the winter around here it's just easier to wear boots. I can sympathize because closed-toe shoes are becoming more uncomfortable for me to wear, which is why when I wear something dressy I opt for supportive sandals if I can. If you choose to buy something for your dresses, my theory is that black matches most things. :) And no, I don't think you can add arch supports to sandals but if you found a comfortable wide-toed pump, you could. Or maybe you'll just drop the whole idea--if you're in an artsy community, everyone is probably pretty accepting of whatever you wear.

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    1. Hmmmm... well, maybe if I keep my eyes open on eBay I could find a pair of those dressy Birks in my size that have been sitting in the back of someone's closet gathering dust for a few years. Hard to see spending a pile of money for shoes that I might wear once or twice tops!

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  7. I like the funeral dress :) My problem with donating clothes is that they sit at the front door for months, waiting, and then I have second thoughts. I'm glad you didn't let the second thoughts get to you!

    I did a cull last year, but I really need to do another one - try on everything and get rid of everything that doesn't look good or fit. I'm also a jeans and T-shirt girl (and love my Birkenstocks!). In fact, my only pair of formal shoes fell apart this year after 13 years and I was annoyed because I had to replace them!

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    1. I think I have another bag of stuff to go to the thrift store today, and I'm not gonna wait lest I lose my resolve! Plus, it's a nice excuse for another bike ride. :-)

      Well, 13 years is pretty good, especially if you actually got some wear out of them. But I do agree, everything is so cheaply made these days... it's sad really.

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  8. Now all you have to do is turn the hangers on these outfits and if they're not worn within 12 months, you know what to do! P.S you do have a phenomenal shape!

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    1. I fear I'm really bad about the one year rule, but each year I find that I'm able to get rid of more and more stuff that I don't wear, so that's progress, right? :-)

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  9. I slowly collect things to donate over a few months . . it's rare that I take things back out of the box, but I like having them there just in case. Once I have a few boxes full (enough to justify the drive to Goodwill), then I'll donate them.

    Yes! for jeans and a tee shirt. I read an article in my local paper over the weekend about how companies are allowing more casual dress, so maybe one day I'll be able to dress comfortably seven days a week!

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    1. I've done the collect stuff in a box thing before, but it gets complicated because an open box is like an open invitation for trouble as far as my most mischievous feline is concerned! I'm hoping that small frequent trips on the bike will fill the dual purpose of getting me out to enjoy the spring weather as well as getting rid of the clutter!

      And I'm thrilled to hear that companies are allowing more casual wear. I seldom needed much more than a T-shirt & jeans for my job with the music school, but I still have a remarkable amount of "professional" wear that I don't, ahem, actually wear! Slowly... slowly... I'm making progress!

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  10. Oooh the short casual dress is super cute! I have a lot of those things in my closet that look OK on...but I have so few occasions to wear them really. BTW I hope you don't have to wear the funeral dress very often!

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    1. Yes... I think it would be a very good thing if that one did nothing but collect dust in the back of the closet! :-)

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  11. Hey Cat, you've been quite prolific with your posts lately, I like it! Have some catching up to do!

    I seriously loved that velvet dress! It accentuated your curves very nicely. It's funny you mentioned you don't like your hips and thighs, I recently discovered American teenagers' obsession with "thigh gaps" and couldn't believe it. I hated this damn gap all my life, and always envied my friends' touching legs! Around here a fuller frame is the "beauty standard", and I was always made fun of for my skinny hips and ass. My favorite dress is actually a denim one, with a pleated skirt that makes my hips look bigger :o)
    The beauty standards may vary, but body issues (and the assholes who make us feel even worse) are universal.

    On another note, how are your websites doing? I'm hoping you got some of your traffic back :)

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    1. Ha! So you mean to tell me that the emaciated waif look hasn't caught on in Brazil? The sad truth is that I think the proverbial grass is always greener on the other side of the fence... or maybe in this case it's "the butt is always sexier on somebody else's body!"

      Anyhow, I fear that part of the reason I've been writing so many blog posts lately is that I'm still in a bit of a holding pattern trying to decide what to do about the Google image search thing. People have come up with all sorts of interesting schemes in an effort to get around the problem, but there's no telling how Google will react to this stuff, and some of it might very well be considered "cloaking," which can get your site downgraded or even locked out of Google search results altogether.

      To further complicate the issue, Google Adsense has apparently changed it's algorithm for locating potentially offensive content, and it suddenly decided that my sites were displaying inappropriate content which I had to take down immediately or else they'd close my account.

      One of my sites specializes in little greetings, glitter graphics, memes and the like. A few years back someone asked me to make some BBW graphics - which, apparently stands for "Big Beautiful Women." Ha! Now that I think of it, this segways perfectly with our body type discussion... it's all about full figured women empowerment, and the idea that you can still be sexy and beautiful even if you're not stick thin.

      Soooo... I made a bunch of BBW empowerment graphics - this was years ago, but all of a sudden Google Adsense woke up last month and decided that these images were promoting a "sexual fetish" and I had to take them down immediately or else Google would close my advertising account (which is how I make most of my money.) Holy Moly!

      To make matters worse, you couldn't protest the decision at all. If I didn't make the changes they wanted, they'd simply shut down my account and then I could petition to have it re-opened if I felt the decision was unfair on inaccurate.

      AAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHH!!!

      Needless to say, I took down the BBW graphics, along with anything else that I could think of that Google might potentially find offensive. So that had me rather busy in a panicked sort of a way, because they only gave me 72 hours to make the changes.

      The silver lining is that in the process of taking down those graphics I decided to make a few changes to my ad layouts, and my ad income jumped dramatically. So while I haven't recovered any of the traffic, my income is back up to nearly where it was before - giving me even less incentive to deal with the original issue!

      But... back to the image search thing. I think I've decided that the best way to handle it would be to re-work the site so it only displays a watermarked thumbnail, but to allow the user to download the unmarked full size image free of charge. This is probably gonna take some work though, and I have to do some testing to see how the watermarked images perform in terms of search results etc.

      My photo site uses Wordpress - mainly because I sort of started it on a lark and didn't want to put much effort into site design when I didn't know if it was gonna make any money or not. So I'll probably use this as an opportunity to get it off of Wordpress and design a custom MySQL/PHP system for it that will be simpler and easier for me to work with.

      OK... so I'm sure that's WAY more of "Cat's website saga" than you were looking for... sorry, brevity is not my forte. Anyhow, that's about all I've been able to come up with.

      Have you heard of anybody with a better idea for dealing with the Google image search disaster?

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    2. I see watermarked/low res images on searches everywhere now, and actually had to re-enable the referrer header on my browser because it borked the watermarks. But I understand your reluctance, google apparently changes its TOS and algorithms way too often. I guess you got lucky with the BBW graphics, as they usually close your account without as much as a warning! Honestly, adsense is turning out to be a PITA. A friend of DogMan (ugh, how weird... better than BeleMan I guess :o) has a very popular blog for plus size women and I was going to suggest she monetize it, but I guess it falls under google's "fetish" category *dramatic eye roll*

      I like your idea of downloading the images, that probably wouldn't upset the elephant. I'll keep my eyes open for other possible solutions too. I tried working with wordpress once and didn't like it, since you know your way around PHP and MySQL you can certainly design something more suited for your needs. There are some excellent free CSS templates on the web as well (I could never find a free wordpress one I really liked).

      I'm glad your ad redesign increased your revenue! You really have to experiment with these sorts of things, as none of the subject "experts" seem to agree on anything. You're probably not considering other options now, but I've been reading on micro niche websites and found the concept interesting. Much less work than a full-blown authority website, and you still produce valuable information. There are haters of this system (including, can you guess? google adsense :P), but I like the idea of good, specialized information straight to the point. A 5-page website on frog ponds recently gave me all info I needed, and I suppose they make a nice profit with affiliate books.

      Don't apologize, I'm interested in Cat's website saga (and I fear I'm quite prolixly as well!). I admire your ingenuity and hope to be a bit like you when I "grow up" (yup, you're my unwilling mentor :D). So keep me posted, and best of luck!

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    3. I must admit, the idea of me being someone's mentor is a tad bit frightening! My advice is just don't grow up!

      I still think the whole BBW fetish thing is absolutely ridiculous! But I'm not the only person who got caught in this mess... CatMan came across someone who got their account closed for posting "inappropriate content" which consisted of a blog post about breast cancer awareness! Methinks someone messed up with the new algorithm!

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    4. Ha! Don't worry, I just mean I like your approach to money and living, not that I intend to follow your exact footsteps... I believe we have very different personalities, and I might never grow up indeed (mom's 52 and never did :o)

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