Thursday, October 25, 2012

Not My Job

So.... I was having this great week. CatMan and I went for a few bike rides... the weather was amazing... I was enjoying taking pictures and cooking... I was even looking forward to the snowstorm that arrived last night... I felt calm and centered... it was really rather amazing... like almost too good to be true... sorta like I was forgetting something...


Let's just say that in my zeal to spend time actually enjoying my own life, I sorta forgot about one tiny thing - the inbox!


Yanno... it's rather amazing how quickly that lovely feeling of lightness evaporated as I watched the emails flood in and pour off the bottom of the screen.... hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of them. I felt a bit like Lucy & Ethel in the chocolate factory.


Suddenly it dawned on me that I DO have a choice about this sort of thing.


I long ago took action on my overflowing snail mail by cancelling subscriptions, removing myself from every mailing list that I could, and signing up for various do not mail lists.


But somehow email seemed less bad to me - I always figured it was a good way to stay informed about things I care about without all the paper and hassle.


However, while it might not consume as many physical resources, having an inbox full of emails begging for my time, attention, and money is not helping me. All my email inbox is really doing is taking my time and attention away from more important and meaningful things.


And the thing is, while most of these emails do come from businesses and organizations that I care about and want to support, I am a finite being with limited resources of time, energy and money. I just can't be responsible for staying engaged with every little thing that's wrong in the universe.


And soooo... I decided that help was really only a click away...


First I tackled the easy ones... the pure marketing crap. I'm not even sure how I got onto some of these email lists, but I certainly don't need to be wasting my time reading (or even just deleting) emails from Target or Big Lots or Best Buy. Sorry dudes, but being a "good consumer" is not my job!


Next came the "newsletters." It seems like every organization I've ever done business with wants to send me a monthly or weekly "newsletter" telling me all about what's going on with their group. And while many of these are small businesses or groups that I really do want to support, staying "up to date" on the minutia of every organization that does good work is just not my job either.


Then came the non-profits. Boy, oh boy do these people have me pegged. My inbox regularly overflows with emails from every animal shelter, sanctuary or environmental group on the planet. Oh the guilt. I know the world is full of homeless & abused pets, and that wildlife habitats are being destroyed right and left, and ecosystems are coming apart at the seams, but do I really need to be reminded of it on an hourly basis?


I contribute when I can, and receiving the constant stream of heartbreaking stories and pictures along with pleas for more money really only makes me feel... well... it makes me feel heartbroken and helpless. And to be perfectly honest, I've got my hands full just trying to take care of the 4 once-stray cats that I've already adopted. As much as it pains me to say it, saving every animal on the planet is just not my job.


And then there's the real kicker... the political emails. Just thinking about it gives me a knot in my stomach. Here's the thing. I know our personal freedoms are under assault. I know that the corporations have ridiculous amounts of power and are working hard to buy this election. I know that a return to the right wing economic policies would be devastating to the people of this country. But is my digital signature on a bazillion petitions really going to fix it all?

I vote, I volunteer, and I contribute when I can... is it really helping me to read about the constant stream of infuriating bullshit that's going on out there in the world of politics? It does seem to me that we're goin' to hell in a hand-basket, but if the people of this country are really too stupid to vote for their own interests, maybe they deserve to live in a fascist plutocracy.


I guess I'm just coming to the sad conclusion that trying to save people from themselves is pointless, and it's not my job either.


I still feel a little bit guilty, but to be honest, I'm kinda looking forward to the inbox being something other than a giant energy suck vortex.


Does anybody else out there struggle with this stuff? How do you keep from feeling like you're responsible for fixing everything that's wrong in the world?




29 comments :

  1. Good for you! I've been unsubscribing to email lists too, and blogs in my RSS reader for that matter. If something is no longer valuable (don't care about your sales, I'm still not gonna buy!), or annoys me, it's just easier to unsubscribe. But there are some things I'd like to receive, just not so frequently. The one store I shop at a few times a year sends emails every single day. There's no reason for anyone to send something every day.

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    1. Some of the places I unsubscribed from had options to sign up for weekly or monthly emails instead of just getting everything they wanted to send you. You might want to check to see if they have that choice.

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    2. That's interesting. I haven't unsubscribed to some stores, because every once in a while, I use the offer they send. I'll check into the lower frequency.

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  2. I've been on an unsubscribing binge lately too! I think for those us "bleeding hearts" it's hard to disengage, but often so necessary. Those organizations will most likely be there when and if we're ready to reengage. The stress of the constant emailing is just not worth it. Now I'm actually a little sad at the rarity of my inbox having a new message. Can't win them all I guess ;)

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    1. It's a purging binge! Hmmm... that sounds vaguely like some sort of email bulimia. Anyhow, I'm not totally disengaging from those organizations, I'm just gonna visit their web sites when I choose to, rather than getting the constant stream of bad news delivered all the time.

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  3. I did this a while ago and it is good to have stuff coming into my inbox that I actually read, rather than automatically delete.
    I do get a couple of emails a week from a petition site that I used recently, suggesting more petitions. Most of them I ignore, but I did sign one from an email the other week to try and stop badgers being culled. Which almost worked- the cull is now on hold for a year...but only because there are many more badgers than previously thought, so to kill 70% of them will be more expensive than once thought. So sort of good.
    I suppose the thing about signing the petition is that the government then know it is unpopular, and although they don't want to be seen to do another u-turn, they might just manage to quietly drop it...

    So that petition was useful to have land in my inbox, but generally I delete them because I don't have the mental energy to get angry and sad about every injustice in the world.

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    1. I've sorta gotten to the point that I don't even read the petitions anymore... I was getting about 10 a day and it was just too much. Not sure exactly how I'll handle it. I think maybe I'll just plan to visit the petition sites every once in a while when I'm feeling like I want to "take action" and sign a bunch at once... but only if I can do it in a way that keeps me off of all the mailing lists!

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    2. I totally agree, Cat, it's not your job (or mine) to fix every problem in the world. In this age of global information, it's too easy to feel that we have to "do something", even if it's only sign a petition, and there are so many petitions...

      But then that badger one has made it more complicated. The UK government has a rule that if a petition has a certain number of signatures (I think it's 100,000) then parliament has to discuss it... and the badger petition got over 160,000 signatures, and parliament did discuss it, and the vote was overwhelmingly against the cull... and so it suddenly feels like we CAN make a difference after all (though the government is still free to ignore parliament, and probably will).

      I try to avoid getting begging letters in my inbox, and mostly I ignore the numerous causes my friends post about on facebook. At least when it's there it doesn't demand my attention so personally.

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    3. I think the badger thing is an excellent example of my daily conundrum. I don't want to disengage completely because I know my voice can make a difference in certain situations - it's just that I can't advocate for everything all the time!

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  4. Hi. I use Gmail and there are filter options under Settings where you can direct emails into "secondary" inboxes using "Labels". I send all my "Newsletters" (from stores) and "Travel" (sometimes they have special offers/discounts) to these secondary inboxes and then read them when I have more time or am shopping for something specific. Check out Inbox Zero for more tips.

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    1. I actually used to do the exact same thing with Microsoft Outlook. What I discovered is that if I just dump the emails into separate inboxes, I never actually go look at them, so it was sorta pointless. Then I got all stressed because there were hundreds upon hundreds of unread emails in there, and it would all feel like a big thing looming over my head.

      I think my plan is gonna be to simply go visit the websites of organizations that I care about when I feel like engaging. That will be much better for my mental health than having the constant barrage.

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    2. I see your point. I think I like to get the emails "in case" I miss out on a deal. Maybe it's the hoarder inside me.

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    3. Well, I do admit that I had a few fears that I might miss out on something, but in the end I think it's much more likely that the ads will con me into buying something that I don't really want or need just because it's on sale, than it is that I'll miss some terrific deal on something that I really did want/need in the first place.

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  5. Every charity I've ever donated to has put me on an email list. I know I provided my email address (for the receipts) but as you say, do I need guilt delivered hourly? It doesn't change my contribution level. Sigh!

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    1. Boy, oh boy do I know this one! A few years ago I made a contribution to some environmental group, and apparently they shared my mailing address with every environmental group or animal welfare non-profit on the planet. Within a fairly short amount of time, I was getting half a dozen requests for money every single week! It got to be totally ridiculous! And then when I didn't respond, they turned up the guilt by sending me return address stickers, and posters, and calendars and even T-shirts trying to guilt me into donating!

      I couldn't help but think that the flood of junk mail more than offset any good that my original $50 donation might have done! It took me many months to get off of all of those lists, and I've never donated to any of those groups again. It really makes me sad because I do support their missions... I guess they just figure that when they find a sucker they're gonna suck them dry for everything they've got!

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    2. I agree exactly. We donated to a very worthwhile cause last year, but now they send us so much mail, that I don't want to donate to them again. I wonder if they know that they are shooting themselves in the foot.

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    3. I could write a very long rant on this topic. Part of the reason I left the non-profit music school that I ran for 16 years was that the organization had grown beyond it's Mom & Pop status and was striving to become a central figure in Denver's art & culture scene.

      This meant that lots of energy was suddenly being put into raising money, courting donors, hiring development directors etc. To be honest, the whole process just sickened me. It all became a crazy "numbers game" of dollars collected vs. solicitations made - regardless of the impact on the community or the attention taken away from our actual mission. Sadly, I think this is just "how it's done" in the fundraising world.

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  6. @anexactinglife, I do my contributions through justgive.org; they have an option to let you do it anonymously so you don't get additional begging. I used to do it through my employer until I figured out how much they took off the top--JustGive takes 3% off the top, but I suspect the organizations save a lot more than that by not sending me stuff.

    (I contribute directly to the few organizations I want to get something from, like public TV/radio, the local wildflower center, and my neighborhood association.)

    I did get on the petition treadmill recently. I feel like I'm making a difference (not a big one, but I don't want the bad guys to count on us being lazy).

    As far as your original question, how do I deal with the problem that I can't fix everything in the world? First, I just admit that. I tell myself that I cannot do everything by myself, but if everyone helps a little, the world will be a better place anyway. So I've made a decision about how much time and money to donate and don't worry about it any more.

    Second I have two philosophies for making those horrible choices about who gets my help (and who doesn't). First, I help myself. If everyone took care of themselves, then everyone would be okay. You can't always take care of yourself, but you can at least minimize the help you need by doing things like not quitting a job until you have another lined up, staying out of debt, buying insurance against catastrophic loss, or otherwise figuring out ways to minimize your troubles.

    And then I like to try to figure out which problems are the most important ones. I tell myself that if everyone helped with the problems they most care about, then all the important problems will have some help. I've chosen the environment (ruining mother earth seems kind of big), poverty, and pain/torture/abuse. That doesn't mean that I don't care about orphaned kids and animals, people with diseases, or all the other millions of horrible things--I tell myself that other people are taking care of those.

    I still don't know how to vote, though. I feel it's hard to figure out what the real issues are. In my city, I've learned to vote against road "improvements," because I don't think that adding road humps and ripping out freeway entrance ramps and other roads (for "safety" reasons) actually improve the roads. And changing from having city council members elected at-large to by district is supposed to help minorities have a better say, but re-districting can ruin that, certain places are already reserved for certain minorities (we're currently at-large), and I don't know if one method makes them more corruptible than other methods. And sometimes it's hard to even figure out what I want. Often I just abstain, letting the people who care make the decision, only I know that lots of people just vote almost randomly, so it's also the ignoramuses making the decisions. At least I try not to be one of them.

    As for the e-mails, I recently came to a similar conclusion and started hitting the unsubscribe button a lot. Also hotmail lets you set up things for each sender such as deleting all e-mails once they are a month old or deleting the last e-mail when you get a new one (other e-mail providers probably do, too). I also should look into derailing store e-mails into another file which I can check when I have a need for something from that kind of store--but there are some stores I buy specific things from, and I'd like to make sure I know when those things are going on sale. So I'm still working on getting just the right balance.

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    1. Hi Debbie,

      JustGive.org sounds like a fabulous plan, I may have to check it out. See my comment above for my disaster with contributions.

      I so totally agree about the helping yourself stuff. If more people did a better job with that one there would be much less need in this world.

      I think it's really hard to choose which organizations to give to, as well as who to support in local elections. It really requires a great deal of research to know who will make the best use of the limited dollars I can contribute, and which candidates will support issues I really care about.

      I generally like to support small local organizations that I've worked with personally. Having worked in the non-profit sector for 16 years I got a bit disillusioned about the whole thing. So much of any contribution goes toward the "machine" of the organization... and if that machine isn't well tuned it can mean that your money goes right out the window.

      In terms of local elections - I generally spend time reading about the voting records of city council members and try to make educated decisions. Recently my city council rep went to bat for our neighborhood in terms of bike infrastructure - and that went a LONG way towards securing my vote, since that's an issue that is really important to me. Likewise, I support the at-large members who have worked to improve the city's recycling and composting programs.

      I think the bottom line is that being a "good citizen" takes work... and you're totally right that most people don't bother - they just vote based on who has the fanciest ads & brochures.

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  7. I have been lazy lately, my inbox is filled with a majority of things I simply delete without ever reading. I think about unsubscribing, then decide to do it tomorrow as I just don't have the time to tackle them all in one day. Maybe I should do a couple a day and then the job won't seem so time consuming.

    I too started to receive petition and political stuff, not sure how that happened but those get deleted pretty fast.

    It's the store ads that get me. I don't even shop at those places. I would love to know how they got my email address! I don't put my email on most things, even my grocery store doesn't have it.

    I agree it's not our job to worry about everything. I quit watching the news and now and again will be surprised by something I hear, but I have decided for me to take care of myself and my family is more important than worrying about Iran, or whatever is happening on the other side of the world, at this moment. I don't want to hear all bad news all the time as I can't do anything about it. I can only take care of my little corner of it.

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    1. "I don't want to hear all bad news all the time as I can't do anything about it." I think you hit the nail on the head.

      Last night I watched a documentary presenting yet another theory on the Kennedy assassination. The thing implicated the CIA as well as Nixon and the entire Bush family. In a very odd way it made me feel much better. Regardless of what actually happened in the Kennedy case, it made it very clear to me that things have been messed up in a profound way since long before I was even born. So it's kinda ridiculous to hold myself personally responsible for it all.

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  8. I saw that too. I think today it's just over the top with the 24 hour news channels. It's crazy to be connected to it all the time. Do you remember growing up you had the 6pm and 11pm news, and the daily paper. Times might have been different in Denver for the broadcasts, but the point is there wasn't a morning news show, afternoon show and CNN etc. We lived life and weren't as tied to all the rotten stuff every corner we turned.

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    1. I think that human beings are hard wired to respond to things that are "urgent," and the news media knows it. So it's like we're constantly surrounded with "urgent" stuff to the point that I feel like I'm on tilt!

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  9. This one resonated with me. Every morning when I open my email I have at least 20 marketing emails to delete. I honestly don't know how I ended up on all these lists. It takes energy I don't have to sort through.

    As to the political emails -- point WELL taken. I donate regularly. I vote early. But I finally unsubscribed to several emails last week telling them I support their candidates, but all the doom and gloom in my inbox several times a day has got to go.

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  10. Not to be flippant, but I usually take a nap an ignore everything for awhile. If it is a real emergency, people can call 911 (and learn the importance of patience as they are put on hold), but I've learned to revel in laziness.

    Loved that story about the pot smoking granny!

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    1. Oh how I envy your ability to detach. I think I'm due for a "no information day" soon!

      CatMan and I were chatting about the pot smoking granny yesterday. He's hopeful that maybe the pot question on the ballot will bring out a group of liberals who otherwise wouldn't bother to vote. Somehow, I think it would be hilarious if the election all came down to the "stoner vote!"

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  11. I use heaps of message rules so it's easier to delete the less necessary although interesting emails but they are overwhelmingly abundant all the same.

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    1. CatMan is also a master of the email message rules. I fear I just don't have the patience to set them all up!

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