Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Only in America

I was watching the local news the other day and stumbled upon a story about a woman who is being fined $200 by her homeowner's association because her lawn isn't green enough.


I'm not kidding. Click here if you want to read the story and watch the 2 minute piece.

I have to say that I'm still dumbstruck by this one. First of all, by my standards her lawn looks fabulous - seriously, she'd have any house on my block beat hands down. Secondly... we're in the middle of an extreme friggin' drought for gawd's sake! Seriously, here's the latest US drought map... I've outlined Colorado in purple for any non-US readers (or those of you who are just really bad at geography.)


Yup... that's us, the one that looks like it's bleeding because there's so much red. So... yanno... thousands of acres and hundreds of houses have burned to the ground, and crops are failing, and ranchers are selling off their herds because there's no grass for them to eat, and what are the good citizens of the Green Valley Ranch suburb of Denver doing? Levying fines on their neighbors because their lawns aren't green enough!

I'm not really sure where to begin with this one... I mean seriously?


I'm not sure if folks outside of the US have experienced the joy of the homeowner's association - or "neighborhood nazification" as I like to call it. But basically many "nice" neighborhoods require home owners to sign a covenant that legally binds them to maintain their property to the "standards" set by these neighborhood groups... So basically, it's free reign for the neighborhood power-tripping dick-wads to come together and impose all sorts of ridiculous regulations upon their neighbors.


HOA's are famous for banning things like clothes lines & vegetable gardens, or even levying fines on people who happen to leave their garage doors open too long or (heaven forbid) paint their house an un-approved shade of beige. 




The justification is always "property values." And I suppose nothing boosts property values like wasting tons of water to make plants that were never intended to live in this climate look lush and beautiful. Because I know when I'm looking for a neighborhood, what really draws me in, is an environment that just screams "hey- this is where all the self-righteous entitled dicks live!"




OK. I'm done ranting now. But I've gotta say, the view from the cheap seats has never looked nicer! It doesn't fill me with a whole lot of hope for the future of this country though.

22 comments :

  1. I am currently shrieking with hysterical laughter at the though of what any of these organisations would say about my house, which has been painted precisely once in the 26 years we've lived here. We tried it once and didn't enjoy it. Enough said.

    I don't know who I feel sorriest for - the woman who's been fined or the purposeless, brainless idiots who thought it a good idea to fine her. Actually, I think I'll save my pity for the humans and non-human creatures who are dead/maimed/homeless as a result of the drought.

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    1. It is kind of a sorry statement about our collective values as a society, isn't it? And I'm with you on the pity part - plenty of deserving creatures in that department!

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  2. Prime example of why I refuse to ever again live where there of HOA's of any name/description...I will only be limited to the rules/regulations of the campground I 'choose' to park in.

    I'm sure I can find a few that will accept me as I and my MH are. If not... boondocking is always an option :)

    Thanks for a great post, truly enjoyed reading.

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    1. Thanks so much for stopping by... I think being mobile gives you a distinct advantage in the neighbor department! But I'm totally with you - I will NEVER live anyplace with an HOA!

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  3. I have lived in both HOA and non HOA neighborhoods and am not sure which I like better. Our HOA was not as strict as the one in your story, but wouldn't let your grass get over six inches or paint your house certain colors. I now live in a non HOA area and don't like some of the aspects of my neighborhood. I live next door to a house with "projects" (old air conditioners and car parts among other things)strewn everywhere and with shutters and downspouts falling off. Next to them and across the street are houses with brushy yards that haven't cut their grass in years. That would be okay in the back, but I would prefer a neater looking front yard.

    As we contemplate moving to another area, I wish we had some kinds of restrictions in our neighborhood. In a down real estate market, it's hard enough to sell a gem of a house let alone one next to a mess.

    So I guess, I've convinced myself that I like HOA if they are reasonable and only used for extreme cases. I don't like living next door to a dump.

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    1. The trouble with that is - who decides what's "reasonable"? Your extreme may well be my norm.

      Now that this blog entry has made me think about it, it seems that I won't have other peoples' ideas of 'what should be' imposed on me. I will cut my grass as and when I choose - life's far too short to do something I don't want to only because my neighbour wants me to.

      One of us is going to be disappointed, and as it's my grass, it's probably not going to be me.

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    2. This is not an easy subject, that's for sure. I prefer no restrictions, but to play devil's advocate, if your "reasonable" causes me to lose, fifty thousand dollars, is that reasonable? The truth is that we live in a world where appearances matter.

      Lot's more ideas, for both sides of this subject, but gotta go to work now.

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    3. Well... I can see your point about wanting some control about what will happen in your neighborhood, but I think there are generally city ordinances and zoning regulations already in place that will deal with most situations.

      I think at least part of what I'm responding to is the attitude of the HOA president in this situation. Not sure if you actually watched the piece or not, but after interviewing the woman in question, they went to the home of the HOA president and interviewed him... and noted that his lawn was at least as brown and dead as hers was. But according to him this was "totally different" because he was "taking appropriate steps to correct the problem." Sorta made me think that this was really a personal dispute rather than an actual property value situation.

      I guess on some level I don't have a problem with people being able to collectively make rules for their neighborhood... I just take issue with the particular rules that they want to enforce. I mean, if it were up to me I'd ban all climate-inappropriate landscaping, I'd make it illegal to use gas-powered mowers, trimmers, snow-blowers etc. (air quality is a HUGE problem here, not to mention the noise,) and I'd probably ban the use of pesticides and herbicides - for both environmental reasons and the fact that whenever one of my neighbors sprays I have to suffer through a migraine headache until the air clears.

      I guess I just find the attitude of the typical American both ironic and disheartening. We claim to value freedom above all else, but from what I can see, what people mostly want is the "freedom" to control everybody else.

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  4. I'm not sure that we have those in England....having said that, people round where we live (which is nice, but not rich) keep stuff like gardens nice because that's just what you do!
    I think if a house has too many rusting wrecks the council can do something about it...if it is a health hazard etc.

    The watering fine is ludicrous- we've just had the hosepipe ban lifted here (there was a drought, but it has rained solidly for about three months, so it's ok now!) during hosepipe bans and therefore droughts, you get fined for using hosepipes and so on for unnecessary things...like watering the lawn!
    Surely that makes much more sense?!

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    1. Agreed. The city actually has watering restrictions in place... you can't water between 10am & 6pm, and you can only water 3 times per week. So I'm not sure how they expect her to re-sod or re-seed the grass anyhow!

      I dunno... I mean I agree that you want some basic minimums in terms of what is and isn't acceptable, but I think in general these HOAs go WAY overboard in terms of how much control they want to exact.

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    2. Madness!! I gues the thought was 'well, the rest of us have managed to keep our lawns lovely and shiny, so surely you should be able to'. How dull that they think a lawn is the most important thing!
      My garden would not pass the test- attempted vegetables, plus chickens...

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    3. Yup... I think you've nailed it in terms of the mentality - "MY lawn is beautiful, what's wrong with you?" The problem is that the only way to have a lush green lawn in this climate is to use ridiculous amounts of water & chemicals on it. If we lived somewhere that grass can actually grow on it's own, I might feel differently about it - but as it is, I think it's sort of the pinnacle of "pretty picture" craziness.

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  5. I agree, this is ludicrous. I mean, it's bad enough that we have a culture that places so much importance on having a "picture perfect" lawn in the first place, but to actually go and fine someone for not having a perfectly green lawn during a drought? I agree that her yard didn't look bad at all, I mean, anyone can have a hard to cover bald patch.

    I couldn't live where there is an HOA either. But even beyond that, I think it's funny just how much crap my own family gives me because I don't have a perfectly weed-free and manicured yard. I don't want to use pesticides because my cats like to go out and munch on grass, plus I think it's bad for the environment. Plus if I have a busy week and we don't get all the trimming and mowing done, oh well, but to my parents it's shameful.

    Still, I also have limits, like my one neighbor who generally let's his grass get over a foot long before he mows. That's a bit excessive, but as it's not caused any issues I can deal. I have occasionally pulled his weeds though when they grew up and over the fence and into my yard. Is that wrong? :)

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    1. "... but to my parents it's shameful." Wow.

      I think that really speaks to the "form over substance," "pretty picture" mentality that so permeates our culture. I mean, if you just look at it from a Martian's perspective for a moment. We live in a culture which says that we "should" be:

      - burning fossil fuels in our lawnmowers and other equipment
      - using fertilizers which ultimately end up poisoning our oceans
      - filling our environment with pesticides, herbicides and other poisons
      - and using up enormous amounts of water - one of our most precious, life-giving resources

      All this in the service of an ornamental patch of grass... because this is the "moral" and "correct" thing to do. While refraining from such activities... even for a week, is considered "shameful." I mean, in the big picture sense, I think there's a real argument to be made that the opposite is actually true.

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  6. I hate HOAs. They seem to breed little Napoleons. Extremes can be covered under civil codes.

    I went by a house the other day. It had a car parked on the lawn. To me, that says po' white trash tryin' to lower our property values, dang it. On the other hand, the car was a posh Mercedes, and it's usually parked at the curb. I decided to be charitable and assume there was a reason behind the odd parking, but an HOA would've slapped him upside the head for doing that. If someone doesn't mow their lawn often enough, maybe there's a reason. Maybe they're ill, or out of town. Maybe they like it long. Maybe they don't realize you hate it. Do you ever talk to them?

    I mean, it seems to me that people used to be part of a neighborhood, now they belong to an HOA. That's a different beast: more legislation, less conversation.

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    1. "more legislation, less conversation." You said a mouthful there, and I think that really strikes at the heart of the problem. It's hard to live with other people... it just is. I mean, it's hard enough to maintain a relationship with your "significant other" let alone a pack of people who may have very different values, and be facing very different realities than you do.

      I mean, I think on some level we all just wish that everybody else saw things the same way we do. I mean, when my neighbor goes out and sprays his weeds, I'm sure there are people on the block who think "hooray - fewer weeds to spread into my yard." Meanwhile I'm thinking "Dammit! I wonder how much of it is gonna drift onto my vegetable garden this time!"

      Yet have I ever spoken to him about it? No... the entire thought of having to do so scares the pants off of me. What's up with that? Maybe what we all need is some lessons in group communication.

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    2. Um... When I wrote "do you ever talk to them", I didn't mean "did YOU ever talk to them". It was a generic you, if there is such a thing. No fingers were pointed during the typing of this message.

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    3. I didn't think you were pointing fingers... just made me realize that I'm as guilty as the next person in this department.

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  7. Best WTF? kitty ever! And the sentence, "hey- this is where all the self-righteous entitled dicks live!" just made my day. I'll wait to comment on the HOA until I move into a townhouse complex in September.

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    1. Who me? Sarcastic, obnoxious and irreverent? Not me?

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  8. Hmmmmm I was only ranting this morning to my partner that Australia is the most regulated country in the woooooorld! We have laws and legislation for everything! We think we're free, we're so not. I get angry about it often.
    We don't have these HOAs although the last decade or so has definitely seen estates be built with guidelines built into the sale contracts regarding keeping one's house similar to other houses in the estate - including only having a set number of housing designs to choose from. If people want to do that fair enough, but this neighbourhood HOA thing sends shivers down my spine.
    I definitely get that there are untidy/filthy people out there who bring down property values but to a degree we have legislation on that, and councils have the authority to do something about...if you can get them off their asses. Because of course if it doesn't generate them income they aren't interested in serving their constituents. Oh dear I feel a few rants coming on.
    In conclusion, my opinion is, this lady would get a lot of backing if she stomped on her fine in the town centre and declared it bullshit!!!!!

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    1. Ha! Well, I fear Green Valley Ranch is one of those "planned communities" with no real town... just one giant sprawling suburb with no center upon which she could stomp. Yet ANOTHER thing to rant about! :-)

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